Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

And Now There's You	By : madilayn Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 2708 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
CHAPTER 2 - Remus Past

I remember you. Memories of you are all I’ve had, really. But I can recall the first time I ever saw you. You were so confident, even at 11! So sure that you were some sort of supreme being.

I believed. It wasn’t until later I discovered you were human after all, but by that time the habit of believing had become too strong, and I was too weak to stop you from yourself, you being your worst enemy.

Even now, I am appalled at what I let pass. Things I knew were wrong, yet was too weak, to frightened, to change. Frightened that if I tried, I would loose my friends.

When did I fall in love with you? That’s easy, the adoration was immediate. Real love though? That was gradual. Certainly it was there by the time we left school. If I look back, though, I am certain the real love started when I discovered the three of you had become Animagi for me. When I learned you had instigated the whole thing, and when I discovered that you were also canine, that’s when I started to truly love you.

You did this wonderful thing to make my life better. And it did. Those years when you ran with me during the full moon have been the happiest in my life.

And the years of loss the saddest.

I’ve always avoided any relationships; after all apart from being a werewolf, I have absolutely nothing I can offer to anybody, male or female. I have no money, no career and only a tumbledown cottage for a home.

I thought that things were definitely on the up when Dumbledore offered me a job. When he apologized and said he had not realized that I was in such a state.

I nearly chucked it back at his face. I don’t want pity. I don’t want charity. Then I remembered something that Lily once said. True friends don’t offer charity or pity. They give hope freely, they share.

Dumbledore said that I was the person he wanted for the job because I was good at it. Because I had the skills and because I was a natural teacher.

I’ve been told that before. I remember my first job as a teacher. I remember you, James and Peter laughing that I was actually going to teach. And then you giving me my briefcase. I still have it, battered though it is. It was then I realized that you were all proud of me.

The wolf in me has ruined any job I’ve ever had, and I told Dumbledore I couldn’t accept because of that.

I had no idea of what Snape had developed, though. Had no idea he did that much research, that man man had the perseverance.

No, I did. He was actually my first friend. He knew I was a werewolf, and, like you, still was willing to be my friend.

Again, I was too weak to stand up for something good. I let our friendship be shattered, pretended I didn’t care. So did he.

I felt that loss, because although you, James and Peter were closer to me than brothers, I knew that you didn’t love learning and books the way I did. Do. I knew you let me rattle on, and ignored what I said largely. But I didn’t want to loose your friendship.

And so let go the friend who did think like me.

I had no idea he hated me for being so weak. Saw in me a reflection of his own weakness, and hated it as well.

It wasn’t until I went back to Hogwarts and saw Severus Snape again that I realized just how lucky I had been.

I could so easily have been him.

And yet, in the past year, I owe him my life. I can’t find work. Bloody Umbridge woman has seen to that. I don’t encounter many other werewolves, but I’ve heard rumours.

If it wasn’t for the food Snape brings with the potion, and the hunting I can do as a wolf I would be dead. The companionship also helps. Food for the soul as well as the body.

I owe him for that. The man is enough of a bastard that he completely ignores my protests.

Thank god.

Do I love him? Have we been lovers? Definitely not. I’m not tempted by men, and neither is he. But we can talk; you would laugh if you heard us. Well no, you wouldn’t. You’d probably have that perplexed look on your face that says you’re trying to understand, but please change the subject.

I’ve only ever been tempted by a man once. And since then, I’ve been able to want nobody else. I recognize it as love.

And it’s not that crap about wolves mate for life. I’m human 99% of the bloody time. It’s only one night per month I’m a wolf.

But I think it’s more that once you find the person you are meant to be with, you really don’t want anybody else. At least that’s how it is with me.

Masturbation helps. I only have one fantasy, and it’s about you.

I wonder if you remember? James and Lily’s wedding. I’d never been kissed by a man before, or initiated a kiss with a man. The actual thought of kissing any man had never even crossed my mind. I do prefer women.

Would I have done so if you weren’t drunk? I think by that time, you weren’t. I certainly wasn’t. In fact, I was nervous as hell. I’d been eyeing you off all day, astonished by my reaction to you.

Astonished by the lust I felt for you, and the lust I could see in your eyes.

I wanted to jump on you and just fuck you until you screamed.

So I talked. Ye gods, the crap I spouted forth. You just sat there and let me go on. When your lips first brushed mine, I had been running out of things to say. Wondering what I was going to say next.

That tentative touch was a surprise. Such a surprise that I jumped. You obviously thought that I didn’t want that kiss. I did. Craved it, actually. Craved you, with a yearning I had never had before in my life. A yearning I’ve never lost.

When I moved away, I saw the despair flash over your face, and saw you hunch away. It nearly broke my heart to think that you had misunderstood my surprise.

You felt the touch of my fingers, light as it was, and looked into my eyes.

Why did you all do that? It’s something I could never understand why you, Peter and James kept constantly looking directly into my eyes. Do you have any idea how disconcerting it is?

And how infuriated I always was that I could never put one over on any of you.

I couldn’t do it again. I saw your eyes glowing, and saw the feeling you had for me in them. I knew that the same feelings were in my own eyes.

I think we reached for each other at the same time. Does it matter? All that I cared about was that you were in my arms and I in yours.

And our kiss.

I had always heard you were the best kisser at Hogwarts, and now I was getting first hand experience of why. Where on earth did you learn to do that? And why didn’t you teach your best friends? Can you imagine the girls we could have pulled if we could all have kissed like that? Bastard.

Then again, I have been told my own kissing technique isn’t too shabby. You certainly seemed to appreciate it.

I loved how you tasted on my lips. I felt you take my tongue into your mouth, and wished it was my cock. In fact, I nearly came then and there at the thought of your mouth on my cock. I needed it. In fact, I still do. I’m hard again just thinking about it.

Your body felt wonderful under my hands, and I couldn’t help myself. Umm, Sirius, just how big are you? I wonder now, because when I felt your erection, it seemed huge.

I’ve never had sex with a man. Would it hurt? I wonder about you; you and James were always into experimentation in just about everything. Peter claimed that the pair of you had ‘experimented’ with each other, but now I don’t know.

I can’t really see it happening; after all we were together so much that I can’t think of a time when you and James were alone.

Except for the holidays.

And anyway, why would Peter know and not me? Or was it just another one of his lies.

Anyway, our kiss. I loved it, and never wanted it to end. Or rather I did, but only to move onto the next step, with more kisses coming later.

That’s when I heard Peter calling. I know you did too, but my god it was an effort to stop. All I could hope was that it was dark enough for Peter not to notice our mutual hard-ons. To hope we would not have to stand up too quickly.

Peter was, as usual, resentful that we had not included him in our getting drunk. Honestly, what did he think? That we’d haul him away from his girlfriend just to get drunk? We have more respect than that.

He didn’t. Why didn’t we see it at the time? All the clues were there.

Sirius, did you know that both Severus and I were working to find the spy in the Order? Unfortunately, Dumbledore didn’t think to tell either of us what the other was doing, and so our notes were never compared.

We compared them last month, and were both horrified to find that when taken together, they point directly to Peter.

I know I wept. If we had known of the other’s activities your life would have been different. James and Lily might still be alive.

And Voldemort defeated once and for all.

When I heard you had escaped from Azkaban, I started to wonder. To be honest, I had thought you would have been dead long ago.

For you to have survived this long, perhaps there was more than I realized happening.

Dumbledore wanted me to help protect Harry. Oh Sirius, Harry. When I first saw him on the train, I thought it was James come back to life. It was only by keeping my eyes closed I could even manage to breathe properly.

He’s not James though. He’s a lot more mature than James. That’s Lily. In fact, he has all Lily’s steadiness of character. I can see James peeping through. He can be as reckless as James ever was.

But you know that.

I enjoyed getting to know Harry. Loved being his Mentor.

But seeing you that night. Your appearance was a shock. I think that the only thing keeping you upright at that time was your determination to get Peter.

And to be honest, I would not have believed your story if I hadn’t seen the truth on the Map.

Pity Severus missed it. He actually agrees; if he had looked at the bloody thing more closely then he would have seen Peter’s name. But he was only looking for two things on it. You and me. He wanted proof that we were in cahoots again.

We were, but that came later in the evening.

I was surprised to see how much I loved you still. Despite your appearance, despite what I first believed, my first feeling when I saw you was one of love.

Lust? Not then. But then, I could also feel the change starting to affect my body. I know it affected my personality, made me more vicious than I would normally be. I know Peter could feel the difference.

Thinking back, I should have killed the little rat then and there. But then we could not have used him to clear your name.

Ah well, the best-laid plans and all that.

And now here you are on my doorstep with a message from Dumbledore. And my heart leaps at the sight of you. You look so much better than the last time I saw you. And I still crave your touch.
- 1
- 2
- 3
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

And Now There's You