Angel Without Wings

Angel Without Wings:

A Harry Potter Fanfiction

By: Lady Nocturne Juliet


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A/N: I apologize for the late update and I'm sure there are errors in this chapter. I haven't gotten the chance to look it over. I will make some time do it at a later time. Enjoy.


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Chapter 3: Losing Yourself

Tossing and turning, Harry dared not lose himself to sleep until he absolutely had no choice. He had gotten four hours of sleep the previous night. The nightmares that clawed a path into his once peaceful slumber were too much to bear. Harry chose to avoid it for as long as he could. Laying on his back and staring at the dark ceiling, his eyes were wide open. In exhaustion, he waited for the sun to rise. Each moment was a passing eternity, pushing Harry to the edge. With each moment, his eyes fluttered closed as he tried to remain conscious. The distant rays of the sun peeked over the horizon preparing to rise. Harry drifted off to sleep no longer able to delay the inevitable.

Darkness clawed its way into his mind and reminded him of past horrors he longed so much to forget. Haunting screams of death and eyes that watched him in the dark. Voldemort's eyes. Cedric's empty eyes staring at him and his skin of deathly white. He reached for Harry. Images of Sirius rushed through the long corridors of Harry's subconscious. He vanished before Harry's eyes. Suddenly when all of the haunting images faded, the darkness enveloped him. It crushed his weight. Harry's breath caught in his throat as he struggled for breath. Water filling his lungs as he drowned in the black sea of sorrow. Gasping for breath, he desperately tried to reach for something, anything to get him out of this hell. He fell into himself as the surface below him vanished.

Gasping for breath, Harry jolted awake. Beads of sweat coated Harry's skin. He grabbed his eye glasses on the night stand and put them on. Glancing at the clock he realized he had only gotten about three hours of sleep this time. His body ached with exhaustion. His eyelids were heavy, threatening to close.

"Harry!" Ron stood in the doorway fully dressed. "You're not up yet? You're gonna be late for Quidditch practice."

Shit. Harry rubbed at his head. "It starts at 11:15, right?"

Ron nodded. "You still have 15 minutes." He walked out of the room.

With reluctance, Harry rolled off the bed. Removing his clothes, he stepped into the shower. The warm water poured down on him. It was soothing against his aching form. After he finished preparing himself in the bathroom, he quickly got dressed. Good thing he had an extra Quidditch robe folded in his drawer. Harry dashed out of his room and quickly made it to practice a couple minutes late. No one had noticed.

During practice, Harry spotted the golden snitch. He raced for the snitch on his broom. A whirl of red hair moved past him. Ginny. He tried to keep up but with his body drained of energy he could only do so much. A bludger rushed past Harry, causing him to lose balance. Ready to fall, he quickly grabbed a hold of his broom. Dangling off his broom, his iron grasp locked around the handle. The sweat on his palms made his grip slip. Harry landed on the freshly cut grass. Thank Merlin he had been close enough to the ground so he wouldn't become badly injured.

Ron hovered over him. "Blimey, Harry." The red headed teen helped him onto his feet.

Harry felt everyone's curious gaze.

Ginny joined the rest of her team mates. The golden snitch was trapped in between her fingers. "You all right?"

"I'm fine," Harry snapped. He had minor bruises from the fall but far worse things had happened to him. He dusted himself off and walked back to the locker room.

Ron tagged along behind him. "You're really off your game, mate."

"Thanks for stating the obvious, Ron." The irritation rising under Harry's skin.

"Don't over work yourself. You'll do better for the game, mate." Ron encouraged. He gave his best friend a pat on the back. Ron left, realizing Harry didn't want to be bothered at the present time.

Harry glared at the locker in front of him. He gave a punch to the hard surface. It wasn't hard enough to cause a serious injury though. This wasn't the first time he had done horribly in practice. He had done horribly the whole week. Harry was the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team for merlin sakes! He did not have room for failure. His spirit plummeted into the pit of his stomach. Things only seemed to get worse as time passed, he realized.

After changing into his school uniform, Harry wandered down the halls of

Hogwarts. He spotted Hermione from behind. For a moment, the light in his eyes brightened. A small smile curved at the edge of his lips. Running up to catch up to her, he called out to her. When she turned around, he noticed her swollen eyes. His smile faded. Hermione had been crying. “What’s wrong?”

She forced a smile but it did not reach her coffee brown eyes. “Oh, nothing. Just got something in my eye.”

Harry stared at her with disbelief. “Both of your eyes are swollen.” She couldn’t lie to him.

“Well . . . I got something in both.” She hesitated before speaking.

He moved closer to her. “I don’t believe that.”

“Fine,” she snapped. “Believe what you will. I’ve got work to do.” She hurriedly walked away.

“Hermione!” Harry called after her but she vanished around a corner. He clenched his fists tightly.

Ron appeared in the distance. “Hey mate. You haven’t seen ‘Mione have you?”

Harry’s hands relaxed at his sides. “Yeah, just a minute ago,” Harry replied unenthusiastically.

“Oh, so you saw her . . .” Ron frowned. “She’s pretty upset.”

“Why?” Harry was anxious to know.

Ron shrugged. “She only told me someone she knew was hurting them self but she wouldn’t tell me who.”

Harry felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. Hermione was crying because of him. He was hurting her. Harry didn’t want Ron to know so he pretended to act clueless. “Oh really? I figured it was because of Malfoy or something like that.”

“Yeah, but from the looks of it, she’s very worried about them. I still don’t know why she didn’t go to Professor McGonagal or Dumbledore.” Ron grimaced. “Why the bloody hell would someone hurt themselves? That’s a St. Mungos case right there,” Ron said.

An undescribable expression crossed Harry’s face. Ron was oblivious. Harry balled his fists at his sides. “Maybe it relieves his stress,” Harry said bitterly, obviously offended at what Ron had said.

Ron stared at him in confusion. “How would you know the person Hermione’s been crying about is a bloke?” He stepped closer to Harry and narrowed his eyes at him. “You know who it is, don’t you?”

Harry forced a small bitter laugh. “Oh, come on. Ron, you’re being ridiculous.”

“Am I?” He said angrily.

“Yes,” Harry replied. “I don’t know who she’s worried about and I only assumed the person was a bloke . . . I mean, Hermione doesn’t have many female friends, does she?”

Ron pondered his words. “Well . . . you do have a point.”

Harry couldn’t take this. He needed to find Hermione. “Well, I’m gonna go and find Hermione.” He started down the corridor.

“Be careful. She’s feisty, that one is.” Ron called after him.

The first place Harry went was the library. He knew the library was Hermione’s favorite place and he was right. His gaze settled on her sitting at an empty table with her head buried in a book. He recognized the top of her head and curls cascading down her shoulders. He pulled the book out of her hands.

Hermione glared at him. “I was reading that.”

Harry looked down at the book. He noticed a smaller book hidden between the pages of Hogwarts: A History. With curiosity, Harry flipped through the pages.

Hermione attempted to snatch the book back but failed as Harry dodged her.

Every inch of soft skin he touched burned...and every inch that was left burned even more for him. He kissed her inner thighs and nipped and gently bit the soft flesh granting him a moan.

A surprised expression crossed his face. “Wow. . . didn’t know you were interested in reading this sort of thing.” An amused smile formed from the corner of his mouth.

Hermione’s face reddened. “I just needed to my mind off of things.” Her voice trembled with embarrassment.

“Seems like it wasn’t only your mind that needed to get off,” Harry trailed off.

“Oh, shut up,” she muttered. “You caught me, so what? You can’t blame a girl for being curious.” Her face only seemed to redden even more at what she said. It was somehow more embarrassing for Harry to have caught her instead of Ron.

Harry took another glance at the book and then at her. Hermione the bookworm was curious about these things? Who would have thought. . .

He had the urge to just throw her on top of the table and show her what she wanted to know. He wanted so much to continue taunting her about it but he had come to the see her for another reason. Harry put the books down and sat on the edge of the table. “Ron tells me you’re upset.”

Hermione shut the book and Hogwarts: A History along with it and placed the other book on erotica under it as she piled them in a corner on the table. “Do you expect me to be happy about what you’re doing, Harry?” She asked.

“Well, no but why cry about it.” He crossed his arms firmly across his chest. “It’s my problem,” Harry explained.

Hermione sighed. “It’s not only your problem, Harry. You act like doing this won’t hurt anyone but yourself but I care about you.” She looked deeply into his eyes. “I care a lot and when you hurt yourself, it hurts me. It hurts to see that you’re in pain and one day you might cut too deep and . . . die.” Her eyes welled up with tears. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Watching the torment in Hermione’s eyes, pricked a soft spot in his heart. “Hermione . . .” The weight of helplessness crushed him. He stood up and grabbed her hand to help her stand to her feet. “You won’t lose me.” He pushed her against his body and wrapped his arms around her petite form.

Hermione found herself surprised for a moment but relaxed into his embrace. Her head gently fell to rest against his chest. She clung to his robes as if he was the only one the world who could save her from the chaos the world had to offer.

Harry unconciously tightened his hold on her. Something buried inside him never wanted to let the feeling of her go. Maybe, this was the first time he really felt like someone cared about him no matter what he did. Was this what love felt like? What was love? He never really had the chance to know. The Dursley's had never shown him love. Was Hermione showing him love? The question danced in his eyes.

"This isn't the place for that kids," Madame Pince scolded.

Harry and Hermione immediately pulled away from each other. Blushes appeared on both of their faces. "Sorry, Madame Pince," Hermione said with a tremble in her voice. She was clearly embarrassed. Hermione pulled Harry by the arm and led him out of the library. "So . . ." She broke the silence as they stared at each other.

Harry stared with a longing he had never felt before. His gaze moved to her pouty pink lips. The way her lips quivered, they beckoned to him. They invited him in a way Cho Chang's lips hadn't. He found himself confused. Why would he even think of that?

"Scar head." A drawling voice came from behind.

Harry grimaced and turned away from Hermione to face the source of voice. There stood the Slytherin prat, Draco Malfoy and his goons tagging along beside him.

Draco narrowed his eyes at Harry and raised his wand. "You will pay for what you did last week, Potter." He was referring the the fight between him and Harry that had occurred.

Harry rolled his eyes. "You only got what you deserve."

The blond Slytherin glared at him and aimed his wand at Harry. "I should kill you. It's only a matter of time before Voldemort gets to you anyway."

Harry stepped closer and grabbed Draco by the wrist. He pressed Draco's wand against his forehead. "Go ahead." There were gasps in the background as students gathered around them. Harry laughed at the face of death. He died many deaths in the years he lived so far. A thousand deaths of his inner soul from the pain life brought him. Now, he did not fear death. In the desperation for his pain to end, Harry welcomed it.

Draco arched a brow. "Are you mad?"

"Too scared to do it?" Harry taunted him.

"Harry!" Hermione cried out. She grabbed Harry by his robes. "Please, come on." She gave a tug to pull him away but he wouldn't budge.

Keeping eye contact with Malfoy, Harry tightened his hold on his wrist.

"I'm not scared," Draco denied.

"Do it! Kill me!" Harry growled. To the crowd of people that watched, they stared in awe at Harry's lack of fear but what they didn't know was that a part of Harry longed to be rid of his life.

With a trembling hand, Draco pulled away from Harry. "I'll just let my father do the job." With those last words, he left Harry standing in the middle of the hall. The crowd of students that watched began to disperse.

Hermione grabbed Harry by the arm. "Harry . . ."