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A Wolf's Soul	By : sinfulsanctuary Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 2410 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter Three – The Four Legged Blur

Sirius Black had not been found anywhere in the castle, we learned the next day. That was both frightening and comforting at the same time. So life went back to normal at Hogwarts, as normal as it could be. But the job of guarding the Gryffindor common room had now been given to a portrait of a slightly crazy man called Sir Cadogan, and the Dementors that had been stationed around the school because of Sirius Black were now more active. I was very glad that Professor Lupin had promised to teach us the Patronus Charm as soon as possible. It normally wouldn't come up before the third term, but he figured it would be best to do it a bit earlier.

But just a few days after the Halloween tragedy, Professor Lupin disappeared. It wasn't the first time he disappeared from classes; in fact this was the third time since the start of the year. It was worrying me a bit, because he was gone for several days at a time, and rumour had it he was sick each time.

Professor Snape, the Potions master, took over the classes, and he would not say anything about why Professor Lupin was gone. Though he seemed to take great pleasure in the fact that something wasn't right, and was emphasising at lot of what he said, as if he were trying to give us clues.

Luckily we only needed to have Professor Snape for one Defence Against the Dark Arts class this time before Professor Lupin came back. And he began teaching us the Patronus Charm right away.

"So to sum it down, the general idea of a Patronus Charm is to find and hold on to the happiest memory you have while speaking the words Expecto Patronum. Any questions?" He stood by the blackboard, where he had drawn a complicated diagram of the charm.

No one raised their hands or spoke up.

"Well, then I suggest we begin practising. If you would all help me clear the room."

Immediately there was a scraping of chairs as everyone stood up, and then scraping of desks as we pushed our desks to the side of the room.

"Now stand with a good distance to your neighbour and start practising."

I found myself in the corner of the room, up by the teacher's desk. I reached deep into my memory bank to find something happy enough. It wasn't easy. Not that I'd had a bad life, in fact it had been very nice. But I had a feeling that any old happy memory wouldn't be enough, I was searching for that world altering happiness.

"Are you having trouble with the spell, Miss Farraday?" Professor Lupin was suddenly standing in front of me, I must have been thinking for longer than I thought.

"No, Professor," I answered. "At least as far as I know, I'm just trying to find a suitable memory."

"May I offer some help?" he asked.

I nodded.

"How about any of your birthdays? Does one of them stand out?"

I looked back, figuratively, at my 18 birthdays, at least the ones I could remember. My fourteenth hadn't been so bad, but that was mainly because the timetable for that day had been filled with my favourite subjects. I chuckled. "It's difficult to find a particularly happy birthday that I can remember since they're always on the first day of the new school year."

"I see. That will be difficult, indeed." He laughed. "Since you are a clever student, how about some academic achievements that made you happy?"

"Other than the Outstanding I got from you on our last essay, I can't say I've been prouder than normal of my schoolwork. I'm sorry if I'm being difficult, Professor." I smiled as sweetly as I managed. I wasn't sorry at all; being difficult kept him by my side.

"Oh, that's no bother, Miss Farraday. What about Christmases, or other holidays or major events in you and your family's life?"

"Well," I drew the word out, "I felt quite happy when my parents decided to get rebonded five year ago. But that was more for their sake than for mine, so that doesn't count, does it?"

"It might be enough to create a Patronus, but it might not be strong enough to ward off a Dementor long enough for you to get away. But keep thinking, just don't take too long. Try out some memories, they might give you an idea about what you need. And who knows? You might be powerful enough to manage without an extremely powerful memory."

"I'll try, Professor. Thank you," I said genuinely and smiled, looking into his amber eyes. He went on his way, but not before he had gently placed a hand on my shoulder for reassurance. I gasped, it was the first time he had touched me, and it had sent fire through my body. The temperature rose with a 100 degrees, and the exact shape of his hand still burned on me, burned through my school robes, through my sweater and shirt and skin, burned right on the nerves beneath.

For a few moments I couldn't focus on anything than the imprint his hand had left.

An excited yelp forced me back to reality. Turning towards the source of the sound I saw that one of the boys had managed to produce a Patronus. Oliver Wood stared in amazement at the white wispy form of what could only be a Golden Snidget. It flew happily around Oliver's head, before it vanished.

"Excellent, Mr Wood! 30 points to Gryffindor," Professor Lupin called out. "May I ask what kind of memory you chose? It might help the others."

Oliver looked stunned. "I-I only thought about the way I feel when I'm up flying on my broom."

The rest of us laughed. It was no secret that Oliver was fanatic about Quidditch, and of course his Patronus was the bird originally used as a Snitch, and of course it took strength from something that had to do with Quidditch.

"Very good, Mr Wood," Professor Lupin repeated as he started walking around the classroom again to correct and give instructions.

I went back into myself and thought. Deciding that I would go for the memory of my parents' rebonding, I prepared myself. I let the wonderful fact that my parents loved each other so incredibly much, and the feeling of how lucky I was to have that as a life guide, fill me up completely. I smiled confidently and spoke clearly: "Expecto Patronum!"

Some kind of white light erupted from my wand, but it didn't resemble anything other than a cloud on the sky, and it faded very quickly.

I huffed, disappointed in myself.

I kept trying for the rest of the period. Different memories, but all with the same result, a white cloud of light, and nothing near corporeal. Professor Lupin eventually dismissed the class, with a word about how we were doing very well. It was extremely rare for someone to produce a Patronus that looked like something on the first try, and though Oliver had done remarkably well, it wasn't fully corporeal yet.

...

We kept practising the Patronus Charm for two more weeks. Thankfully I had improved greatly. The memory that gave me the most success was from the Christmas holiday in sixth year, when I had finally been allowed to arrange candles and the rest of the decorations on our Christmas tree. I had begged and begged for this for years, but I wasn't allowed until I became of age. It was a wonderful feeling to finally be able to do magic outside of school, and even though I spent five hours trying to make the tree perfect, it was worth it. It had never looked more beautiful.

My Patronus wasn't corporeal though. I could barely make out the shape of it. Professor Lupin and Tia had spent a good 20 minutes of one class trying to determine what it was, while I kept casting until my hair was damp with sweat. They had narrowed it down to a panther, some kind of dog, or a pony. The only thing they agreed on was that it had four legs.

I hung back after class one time, to ask Professor Lupin why I couldn't make a corporeal one with the powerful memory I had chosen. He thought for a moment, sitting on top of his desk. "I'm not sure. It may be that the memory isn't as powerful as you think, but it could also be that you're not done developing the part of yourself that would define your Patronus. I'm not saying you are immature or anything, I'm just saying that you may not have found that part of yourself yet. You may never find it, or you may find it as you walk out this door. It's something we can't control."

"Is it our personality that helps define the Patronus? Or our soul? Or what it is?" I sat down by the desk closest to him.

"There are many theories on that, and none that have been proven. Because each person is unique, and each Patronus is born from something different, no one has been able to find out exactly what drives a Patronus. But I believe it is our soul. Personality can change from one week to another, depending on what the person is going through. Yes, the Patronus can change too, but only if one has gone through something extremely emotional. This suggests that it is the soul that it's tied to. Because it takes something very powerful to make an impact on our souls and the same goes for the change of Patronus. Does this make sense to you?"

"Yes, it does actually, very much." I gazed out the window for a few seconds. "So it's the soul. I guess there's not much I can do about it then, except wait and hope everything falls into place."

"I think that's the only thing you can do, yes." He stood up. "Remember that some people never get the hang of the Patronus, so don't let this get you down. I'm confident that you will see your true form one day."

The way he said that last sentence, and the way he looked at me when he said it, made me very grateful that I was still sitting. Otherwise my knees would have failed me. "Th-thank you, Professor," I managed to croak out through my stupefied thoughts. "I-I hope you're right."

"Now, I think dinner should be served about now."

I stood up, surprised that my legs held my weight. "Yeah, maybe I'll find something to complete my soul among the food."

Professor Lupin laughed. It was infectious and I joined in.

We walked to the Great Hall together. It felt so natural to walk alongside him like that, talking about weather and nonsense, instead of theories and schoolwork. I only wished it would have lasted longer, we reached the Great Hall too soon for my liking.
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A Wolf's Soul