And Now There's You | By : madilayn Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 2708 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
The two men looked at each other, the open door a barrier between them. ‘For crying out loud, Sirius. Don’t just stand on the bloody doorstep. You can at least come in and sit down.’
He shook his head. ‘I have to get going. Tell the others.’
Remus looked stubborn. ‘You don’t you know,’ he waved the letter he had just finished reading. ‘You are supposed to stay here, and we alert the others from here. He says on no account are you to go roaming around the countryside.’
Sirius looked into Remus eyes. Stubbornness, of course, but behind that hurt. Hurt that he obviously didn’t want to spend time with him. Sirius groaned quietly. He wanted to spend more than time with Remus, but because he didn’t know what the other man wanted, had decided to continue to be alone.
Remus looked older, more desperately poverty-stricken than before. Sirius wanted to take care of him. Make a home with him. Spend their lives together. Sex was part of it, but the love he felt for Remus meant he wanted to take care of him.
But sex was a huge part of it, he realized. Remus still had that effect on him. Sirius wondered if he still tasted the same?
Remus was just as badly affected. He wanted to take Sirius in his arms, to try to kiss away the emptiness in his eyes. And he realized that the only time in his life he had felt truly loved, secure, was when Sirius was holding him.
He needed that feeling. He missed their full moon frolics. Full moon was desperately lonely for him. Sirius was the only person living who he had allowed to spend full moon with him in his wolf form. And he wanted that companionship again.
And he desperately wanted to make love with him. To feel bare flesh against bare flesh.
Sirius shifted slightly and seemed to come to a decision. ‘I’ll come in, but I’m not staying.’
Stubborn. ‘Suit yourself. Tea or coffee? I’ve nothing else, I’m afraid.’
‘Coffee, Black, no sugar.’
Remus’ mouth tightened. He knew Sirius. Knew he hated black coffee. Knew he had a sweet tooth. ‘Please don’t. I’m not that stupid.’
Sirius suddenly grinned. ‘Then tea please. You know how.’
Remus busied himself making tea; thankful Minerva McGonagall had passed to him (via Severus) a tin of shortbread. At least both he and Sirius could indulge their joint sweet teeth.
Remus shivered. That wasn’t all he wanted to indulge, but he honestly couot sot see anything like thappenppening right now.
Not with Sirius in the mood he appeared to be in. He turned and jumped to find Sirius standing behind him. ‘Can I help?’
‘Typical. You wait until the work is done before offering to help. Bloody typical.’ They both smiled, the whole little scenario was old, and the two had played it out many times in the past.
Sirius pulled Remus towards him and held him tight. ‘I’ve missed you, Moony. You have no idea how much.’
Remus relaxed into the embrace, his own arms tightening. ‘I have a fairly good idea,’ he said. How long did the embrace last? A minute? An eternity? They stayed locked together until their own arousal caused reaction.
Both broke away awkwardly ‘ neither wanting (or was it able?) to make the first move. Neither able to believe the desire in the other.
They sat at the rickety table in the kitchen, desperately trying to find a topic that was neutral.
‘Has Dumbledore filled you in about the Order being revived?’
Sirius nodded. ‘One of the reason’s I’m not going to stay is because I’ve offered Dumbledore the house in London to use as headquarters, and he’s accepted.’
‘But what about you?’
‘I’ll stay there.’
‘Sirius, you hate the place. And in London you’ll be much more vulnerable,’ in his concern, Remus leaned over the table and placed a hand over Sirius’. ‘Stay here. At least it’s in the country enough that you can get outside.’
‘And miss all the fun?’ But Sirius didn’t move his hand, at least not far. He twisted it so that their hands were clasped.
‘Better than being re-captured and going back to Azkaban.’
Sirius smiled. ‘Would you miss me, Moony?’ He was stunned at his words. Was he flirting with Remus? He didn’t care. He could hear his blood thundering in his head, and he wanted an answer. Wanted to hear Remus Lupin confess that he would miss him.
‘Yes. I would miss you. Like I’ve missed you every day since you were first captured. And I would regret the rest of my life what I’ve missed.’
‘What have you missed?’ He was serious now. Had Remus regretted kissing him? Or that it had not happened again? He needed to know.
‘Missed? This.’ Remus rose and came around the table. He drew Sirius up and pulled him close. His lips gently brushed over the other man’s, who’s arms joined the embrace and whose lips changed the gentle brushing kiss to something stronger.
Sirius deepened the kiss, deliberately using all the tricks he knew to arouse. He was appalled at the feel of Remus in his arms, though. Remus who’s wiry frame had used to be sleek and smoothly muscled was now plain thin. Appallingly thin.
Sirius had, however, no idea that his own frame was in much the same condition.
Hands moved, stroking and smoothing, loving and exploring.
They finally broke apart from a need to breathe, but stayed locked in their embrace. ‘So you would have missed that?’ asked Sirius finally.
‘Can’t you be serious ever?’
‘Oh but I am serious. Very serious. Are you sure you wouldn’t have missed something else more?’
‘How can you miss what you haven’t known?’
‘Do you want to?’
‘To what?’
Sirius looked frustrated. ‘Have another cup of tea! What the fuck do you think I mean, Remus? For crying out loud, we’ve just snogged each other’s socks off!’
Remus smiled slyly. He loved getting a rise out of Sirius. It had been a hobby of his since he was 12, and he had been unable to resist the temptation.
‘Git. I knew exactly what you meant. Make love? To you? Oh God yes! I’ve wanted it for almost 20 years.’
Sirius was taken back. ‘Really? That long?’ Remus nodded, his face going red. ‘Remus, please don’t tell me you haven’t...’ Remus nodded again, the red becoming deeper. ‘Shit. Why Remus?’
‘I didn’t want anybody else.’
Bloody typical Remus. Stubborn as when he sets his mind to something. Sirius frowned. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that sort of responsibility. But then you’ve not exactly been getting out there and shagging yourself silly, whispered a tiny voice in his mind. Especially not when you think about him.
Sirius looked at Remus, was gas gazing directly at him, his eyes openly showing his desire, his body tense with longing. Thank god for robes, thought Sirius. At least we can’t see the obvious evidence.
They could each feel it in themselves though.
Sirius groaned and sat down heavily, hiding his head in his hands. He wanted Remus. Wanted him badly. But couldn’t face the fact that his friend had obviously chosen him long ago as the only mate he wanted.
Remus laid a gentle hand on Sirius head and bent down and kissed the rough hair. He was patient. He could wait. It was only a matter of time now.
‘I do love you, you idiot,’ he said softly. Sirius looked up his face reflecting emotions ‘ surprise, denial, love, and an overwhelming joy.
‘I know. I love you too. I just can’t handle the responsibility of being your first lover for 20 years.’
‘Actually..’
‘Remus, don’t say it. If you tell me you’re a virgin, I may just slit your throat. Or mine. Or is this your idea of a joke? If it is, I warn you it’s very sad, and I may have to do you serious injury.’
Remus choked. ‘I’m not a virgin, but I’ve never had, shall we say, extensive experience, you’ve had. But shouldn’t that be Sirius injury?’
The two looked at each other and suddenly burst into laughter. This was the sort of thing they had always indulged in, the deliberate misunderstanding and double entendre. Ok, single entendre. But the verbal bandiage was the result of two people who knew each other inside out.
Sirius grabbed him and the two began another long kiss. When they finally separated, Sirius sighed. ‘I missed that so much.’
‘The kissing? Or the joking?’
‘Either. Both. You. Come with me.’
‘Delighted to, but I want more foreplay than that.’
‘Git. I mean come with me to London. Live with me,’ he looked harassed. ‘I can’t stay there alone. And I want a home that Harry can come to,’ he looked fondly at Remus. ‘I’d love more than anything to live here with you, but there’s not really room for more than us, and I want Harry to have a home with me.’
Remus looked at him. It seemed as though Sirius had really been doing a lot of deep thinking. Now he understood. Now he could see the reasoning.
Without thinking, he kissed Sirius tenderly, their lips just touching. ‘Of course. But I can’t be with you all the time. I have to contribute, and the only way I can do that is by doing certain tasks for the order. You understand that?’
Sirius looked sulky, and Remus felt his heart sink. Obviously he had not grown up that much. ‘I suppose so,’ he said after a while. ‘I can always visit Harry at school on Hogsmeade weekends when you’re not there.’
‘No Sirius. You can’t. It’s too dangerous. Harry won’t want you putting yourself in needless danger.’
Sirius shook his head stubbornly. ‘He won’t mind. He’ll enjoy it.’
‘Harry is not James, Sirius. No matter how much you want it to be, he’s a very different person to James.’
‘I know that,’ said Sirius, his voice, though, was unconvincing.
At that point, Remus started to worry about Sirius. This was more than not wanting to grow up. He started to believe that perhaps the years in Azkaban had done damage to his mind. He pulled Sirius closer, cradling his head on his shoulder.
Sirius Black was far more fragile than anybody realized.
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