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One Life Ends…	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 47481 -:- Recommendations : 5 -:- Currently Reading : 4
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Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Chapter 7

Standing on the deserted stretch of beach behind his home,
Harry was throwing rocks into the lapping surf.
Since it was well after dark, he knew the Bums would be in their usual
place on the beach but he wasn’t in the mood for all the noise and stuff
that went along with hanging out there.
Tonight he wanted some peace and quiet so that he could think. Nor did he want to get dragged into some of
the things that they would want to do.
In his mind, he had some things to sort out before his life could go
back to the way it was before the two Hogwarts professors had dropped
themselves into it.

Tossing the last handful of the rocks into the churning
water, he dropped down on the sand, face buried in his hands. Quite frankly, he should
have followed his first instinct and not gone anywhere near either Snape or
Malfoy. Because now, though he
had enjoyed the encounters with them, he was miserable! Sure, part of it was that he did miss them
though they had only been gone a week. However,
the majority of it came from something else.
In being with and hearing them talk about home, the longing to return
was almost a physical, living thing. In
fact, he was having a hard time fighting it off. Though, up to this point, he had been able to
resist the urge, it was getting more difficult to fight off. It seemed, ever since he knew they were gone,
all he could think about was going ‘home’ and returning to the life
he had left behind, or what was left of that at this point. However, he was able to remind himself what
things would be like if Harry Potter once more surfaced. That made it to where he could actually keep
himself from doing it. But, part of him,
a bigger part than he would have imagined, kept pointing out that he could
manage to live a life there with very few knowing who he was, as he did here
with the Bums and everyone else. Even if
everyone found out, that part of him kept saying that he could manage it just
as he had in the past. It would be complicated
of course but it was doable.

Shaking his head, he tried to push that part of himself to
the background and mute the voice.
Honestly, he didn’t even want to consider going back and dropping himself
into that kind of life anymore. He had
been away from it for far too long to willingly torture
himself by going back to the gilded cage that was the life of Harry
Potter. He doubted that he could handle
it with the ‘grace’ he did in the past. In fact, he would probably blow up and hex
someone into the next century if they tried that crap
with him again. No, that wouldn’t
work at all.

Since his time away from Britain, he had changed a great
deal. Sure, maturing was part of that as
anyone would expect but, along with the maturity, came an unwillingness to tolerate
a lot of things. The intrusion into his
personal life, and life in general, was one of those things. Knowing that it would happen as sure as the
sun would rise tomorrow if he went back, he knew that it wouldn’t end
well. He was also unwilling to go back
and allow people to manipulate him as they had in the past. Then there was the fact that there were a lot
of ‘issues’ to deal with when it came to people in his life back in
Britain.

Over the years he had thought long and hard about the way
things had happened or how thing were done.
That couldn’t continue. He
was certain that if he went back, things would pick up and go back just they
way they were when he left. No, he
wouldn’t allow that to happen. He
was a different person now and took care of himself. He couldn’t go back to people telling
him what to do, deciding what was best for him, manipulating him into what they
thought was ‘right’ or anything like that. If they even tried, he was sure he would blow
up on them. Since he had been gone for
ten years, it was his thought that the people
in his life would still see him as the Harry who left, not someone that had
grown up and changed over the years.
Yes, some of them kept in touch via owl post but that wasn’t
the same as being there in person.
Honestly, he didn’t want to go back to that shit.

Sighing, he picked up a handful of sand and threw it, not
knowing what else to do in his frustration.
Along with that end of things, there would be another problem that would
most assuredly crop up if he went back;
Dumbledore. Since he left, the crafty,
manipulative headmaster had owled him on a regular basis to try to get him to
talk, then attempt to convince him to return.
Honestly, right now, he still wasn’t ready to talk to the aged
wizard. Despite all the time that had
passed since leaving Britain,
he was still mad at the headmaster over all the manipulations and other things
he had done. Nor, really, did he think
he would ever get over it. Since
leaving, he hadn’t returned one of Dumbledore’s owls nor did he
intend to ever do so.
All the others that wrote him on a regular basis tried to convince him
to do so, but he made it clear that he wasn’t going to. It was his thought that when he did decide to
say something to the headmaster, he would do it in person. That way, what he had to say couldn’t
be twisted, spun or misinterpreted as it could be with the written word. And, honestly, he had a great deal to say to
Dumbledore on many subjects. However,
knowing the headmaster the way he did, he doubted that any of it would sink
in. The old wizard would just smile,
twinkle then offer him a lemon sherbert before
pressing on how he always did, with nothing changing. If that happened, well, he wasn’t sure
he could be held responsible for his actions!
He had done and given up more for the wizarding world that most beings
would ever think of doing. It was time
that he be allowed to live his life how he saw fit and not be indebted or
manipulated by anyone who professed to have his ‘best interests’ in
mind, especially when that being always had something up his sleeve! No, he couldn’t go back and deal with
that again.

Sighing, he looked down at the sand between his feet,
confused and disturbed. All of this was so
perplexing! Though he had,
realistically, known he shouldn’t have had the fling with Snape
and Malfoy, knowing full well that it would cause problems, he couldn’t
resist it. Now he was paying for the
indulgence. Sighing deeply, he reached
up and rubbed his eyes.

Thinking it over though, he was sure that all this was coming anyway. At some point, something would happen to
bring up all this crap then he would have to deal with it. It had just happened sooner than he had
expected is all. Now he was going to
have to deal with the fallout of it sooner than what he had wanted to. Though he had partially prepared for it, he
wasn’t ready for the full impact of it, emotionally. Now he was confused and didn’t know how
to go about this. Really, the easiest
way would be to ignore it all and go back to his life the way it was before the
two had dropped themselves back into his life.
He could put up a mask, the common one he had used for what seemed like
forever, that said everything was all right and nothing was bothering him, then resume his daily activities. But, really, he didn’t want to hide
behind that thing anymore. He had used
it for so long that putting it on chaffed in such a way that he couldn’t
stand it. Nor, really, should he have to
do that.

Along with that though, he was sure that, this time, that
mask wasn’t going to work. The
comfortable world that he had built for himself had
changed in such a way that he didn’t think he could ever go back. Nor, really, did he want to. If he were being honest with himself, he
would admit that he was getting very tired of hiding who he really was. Sure, he understood why he was doing it, but
it was growing tiresome in a way he hadn’t anticipated. The persona of Jay was just him with another
name but it wasn’t the same thing.
He wanted to talk about Hogwarts and some of what happened there but he
was never able to because that would reveal whom he was. When others talked about their families and
old friends, he wanted to talk about that as well but couldn’t. Over time, when such things were brought up,
he had learned to just listen, not say anything. Sure, over time, he had given out the barest
of details, such as he had gone to Hogwarts and when, but that was about
all. In fact, when those topics came up,
he felt isolated from the rest because he couldn’t talk about such
things. He didn’t like that. Though he was close to the group he hung
around with, what he wanted was the easy friendship that most of them had as
well as the camaraderie that they shared because of similar pasts. Sure, they were that way around him but he
felt differently knowing he couldn’t talk about his own experiences, thus
feeling slightly left out.

xxx

Standing off in the shadows, the house elf, Mimi, watched
Master Harry, worried. Since coming to
work for him, he had always been a happy, easy going being that didn’t
worry much about anything. Really, this
was the first time that she had seen him in a mood like this and it bothered
her.

Like all good house elves, she knew her master’s
secrets and kept them, never talking about things that went on in his
house. She knew that the being all knew
as Jay was Harry Potter. Even house
elves knew who Harry Potter was. With
that knowledge, she understood why he was hiding his real identity from
everyone. Things, from what she saw, had
all gone along fine until those two professors came back into his life. Now, it seemed that everything was messed up
and Master Harry was miserable.

Wringing her hands, the little elf tried to think of what
she could do to help but didn’t know what would do that. He had been so happy with the two other
wizards here. In fact, she didn’t
think she had ever seen him enjoy himself the way he had with them. Nor had he ever let anyone back in the house
part of the place before. That told her
that the two were special to him. She
didn’t understand how that was beyond that he knew them in the past but,
to her, it seemed that there was something beyond that. She wished the two had stayed longer, or
forever, but that hadn’t happened.
They had left to go back to their own life.

Sighing, she looked at the obviously upset Harry then walked
forward. Hopefully, what she had to say
would help to distract him for a while. “Master Harry,” she said softly
to get his attention. When he looked at
her, she bowed then said, “Owls have arrived for you, several of
them. Why don’t you come inside
and read them. We’ll make you
something to eat while you do that.
Since you haven’t eaten all day, you need something or
you’ll get sick!” She fretted,
looking at him.

Sighing, Harry looked at his elf and nodded. She was right, there
was no sense in sitting out here moping around.
It wouldn’t change anything and he was sure that he wasn’t
going to come up with a solution to any of his problems anytime soon
either. No sense in
sitting out here torturing himself over the whole thing. Standing up, he brushed the seat of his pants
off then said, “Alright. Think you can make me some bangers and mash? I’ve been craving it.”

Pleased, the little elf nodded vigorously, big ears flapping
slightly. “We’ll make you
whatever you want Master Harry!”

Smiling at the elf, Harry said, “Alright,
let’s do it!’

xxx

Sitting in his favorite chair in Spinner’s End,
Severus was trying to immerse himself in a book but couldn’t quite seem
to manage that feat. Usually, he had no problem
losing himself in a good book and letting the world
pass him by as he was buried in a story.
But, since coming back from France, he couldn’t quite
manage that. He was… distracted by
what went on there.

For as long as he could remember, he wasn’t the kind
of being that enjoyed going out or mingling with other people beyond what he
did at Hogwarts. He was, very much, a
private being that liked to keep to himself. Along with that, idiocy and stupidity,
something most beings, wizard or muggle, seemed to be annoying to him. Long ago, he found that he was happier being
by himself and staying away from most of the populace. But, since coming home, he found that he
missed the talks with Jay and the things they did. Well, yes, he wanted a repeat of the sex that
had taken place the last night they were there, but that wasn’t the
reason for all this. To him, there
seemed to be a connection made there, one he missed. But, from what he could see, it wasn’t
possible for them to continue on. Jay, though he was sure that wasn’t his
real name, lived in France
and made no mention of even thinking about coming back to Britain, and he was in Britain having no desire to pack up and go to France for something
more than what they had. That, however,
left him in a quandary as to what to do about the longing he was feeling.

That, really, was beyond him. The only thing he could come up with was
something unsatisfactory to him; that as time went on things would fade then go
back to normal. Though he didn’t
like that thought, there was something, he felt, that he should do beyond that,
he was going to let time run its course and let it happen in that way. Memories from the encounter would be pleasant
ones that he could look back on for many years to come but they, he
didn’t think, would end up more than that.

Sighing, he set his book aside since he knew that
concentrating on that wasn’t going to happen. He was about to get up and fix himself a spot
of tea when there was a knock on his door.
Since so few ever visited him, he was curious as to
whom it might be. Standing, he
was going to make his way to the door when Lucius appeared in the doorway,
stripping off his gloves. Since this was
something that regularly happened, he wasn’t
upset by the intrusion into his private space.
Sitting back down, he gestured for his old friend to take a seat.

After nodding to Severus, Lucius made his way to the drink
cart and poured himself a snifter of brandy.
He looked at his friend with an eyebrow arched, as though asking if he
wanted anything as well.

“I’ll have the same as you,” Severus told
him shortly, relaxing in his chair.

Nodding, Lucius poured another then walked over and handed
Severus his drink before taking a seat.
After sipping at the fine spirit, he settled back in his chair, sitting
the glass and his gloves aside, he then looked at his friend and asked,
“How are you faring since our return from the lap of luxury?”

Grunting, Severus said nothing, just sipped at his drink,
glaring at his friend. It was his
assumption that Lucius came over to get away from Draco. Usually, anymore, that was the reason for
such visits. After downing some of the
smooth liquid, he said, bluntly, “Draco being impossible again?”

Sighing, the elder Malfoy rubbed his eyes wearily then
picked up his glass and took another drink.
“But of course. Since
returning, all he has done is mope around the manor and complain about the
injustices heaped upon his shoulders by a cruel world. He
keeps prattling on about how he was treated so badly in France. If that weren’t enough, he is adding
into the usual complaints about the return to Hogwarts in the fall.”

Nodding knowingly, Severus said nothing, waiting for Lucius to go on, knowing
there was more to this visit than just a grousing about his son.

Sighing, Lucius looked down into his glass then said, voice without
its usual superior tone and bite, “Honestly Severus, I don’t know
how much more of this I can take. To an
extent, I can understand Draco’s issues but he needs to move on and quit
worrying about what the world thinks about him or the perceived wrongs.”

“I agree, he does,” Severus replied with a
nod. “It’s
past time that Draco be forced to tend to things for himself like every other
adult does. You can’t keep
coddling him Lucius, or being there to deal with it.”

“I agree.
However, I, at this point, am not sure what to do or how to go about
it. But something needs to change or I
will end up hexing him,” Lucius said, a grimace marring his handsome
face.

Thinking the situation over, Severus finally said,
“I’m not sure about that but why not do something like go on
vacation for the rest of the summer?
Draco will be safe at the manor on his own. The house elves won’t let anything harm
him after all. But with you not around,
he will have to deal with things on his own.
If he goes out and gets into trouble, he will have to deal with the
consequences of his actions on his own.”
Seeing a skeptical look on his friends face, Severus added, “This
is what all adults do Lucius. You and
Narcissa were married with him by his age.
Why shouldn’t Draco have to deal with his issues like every other
young man out there? If you don’t
stop protecting him and intervening when there is a problem, nothing is ever
going to change.”

Nodding, Lucius thought over what his friend said. Honestly, he hadn’t thought about
things the way Severus had put it. Draco
was pretty much all he had left in the world from his perspective and he was
doing what he thought was for the best for his only child. However, the potion’s master was right,
at Draco’s age, he and Narcissa were married, settled into Malfoy manner
and had Draco. His son, for all intents
and purposes, was refusing to grow up and become an adult like
most he went to school with had done.
Sure, children of privilege didn’t do the same things others did,
but most had moved on and made a life.
Draco had not. Nor really, had he
tried to do such a thing. Instead, he
wanted to lock himself away and act like a child rather than an adult.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Lucius shut his eyes but said, “I know
Severus but I’m not sure I can just abandon him. He is my son after all.”

“How are you abandoning him by forcing him to
grow up and do what he should?”
Severus asked, incredulous.
“You know how I feel about Draco but the time has come for him to
realize that he has to stand on his own two feet for once. Besides, it isn’t like
you are completely cutting off contact and throwing him to the proverbial
wolves; you’re just going on vacation.
He can still reach you if a calamity happens.”

To the elder Malfoy, what the snarky man in black said was
enough to assuage his conscience over the whole thing. He was right after all,
he would just be a floo-call or owl away if his son needed him. Nor was he abandoning him to the harsh, cruel
world to make his own way in it. Hell,
he would be leaving him in the lap of luxury at the manor. The house elves and other staff there would
care for him, he just wouldn’t be there is
all.

That thought, of not being there, was something he
liked. Honestly, he was sick and tired
of hearing his son complain all the time.
It seemed that Draco had to find him at least once a day and bitch about
how hard his life was and unfair the world treated him. He had had enough of it.

Looking Severus in the eyes, he asked, familiar smirk once
more appearing, “I think, old friend, that your advice is sound and
something I will take. A holiday until
just before the start of the term is in order.
But I don’t fancy traveling alone.
I’ve always had someone with me.
So, what do you say Severus, are you up for a
trip? It would do you good to get away
from this place and your books. Come
with me, we’ll have fun.”

Looking at Lucius, Severus’ lips turned up at the
corners in a slight grin/smirk thing.
“Me go on vacation with you?
I somehow don’t think that we enjoy the same things Lucius.”

Tapping his ever-present cane on the floor, Lucius actually
grinned at his friend. “I do
believe that I can come up with a travel itinerary that both of us will enjoy
to the utmost.”

Knowing, with the way Lucius phrased that, this was bound to
be good, Severus had to know what he planned.
“Say I’m curious… just what do you have planned for
this excursion Lucius? And where do you
plan to take us? Since we aren’t
beings that run in the same circles or have many mutual enjoyments, I cannot,
for the life of me, figure where you propose we both go that one or the other of
us won’t be bored to tears.”

Picking up his glass of brandy, the blonde aristocrat
twirled it around as though he were examining it intently, trying to decide if
it was worthy to pass his superior palette then said, casually, “I
thought that, perhaps, the two of us would go on holiday to France. The Cote de Magie, though
busy this time of year, offers some various… how shall we say it…
diversions that both of us are inclined to enjoy. I believe both of us enjoyed our adventure
for the two weeks we were there previously, so why not go back and see if we
can’t continue on where we left off.
What do you think old friend?”
He finally asked, looking at the potion’s master.

“I believe that is something that I might enjoy as
well,” Severus answered before even processing the whole thing
fully. The thought of going back and
picking things up with Jay where they had left off was something that he liked
the idea of.
“When do we leave?”

“I believe I can arrange us a Portkey for tomorrow
morning. In this case, I say we be
adventurous and just show up without making reservations. Though it’s
high season there, I’m certain that we can find a room somewhere before
we let a mutual friend know we have returned.” Lucius replied smoothly, smirk firmly in
place.

“That sounds good to me. Tomorrow then,” Severus said raising
his glass as though he were toasting the idea before taking a sip.
- 7
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