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Well, Ain't That Strange?	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 56074 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 12
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and make no money off this story

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
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Chapter 7

Gesturing to the mass of parchments spread out over the picnic table he was seated at with Black and Potter, Lucius said, “What I have here is your copy of the deed to the house I purchased, complete with a goblin secrecy enhanced bill of sale that no one can see our names on, a list of what I've accomplished so far with it and the estimate of the time needed to finish as well as improvements that have to come on the property still. Is there anything else you can think of that you need?” Stopping, he looked between the two.
Picking everything up, Sirius looked through it, showing it to Harry then said, tone distracted, “It looks good to me. The only question I have here is the wardmasters you have listed to come in and do the final layers then seal them down. Who are you using? There aren't many in the UK that can do this and they are the kind that I wouldn't trust to keep their mouths shut.”
“I agree there,” Lucius told him with a firm nod. “What I did was go about contracting with a firm out of Germany. They are ones that have a built-in secrecy clause in all their contracts due to governmental work they do for nations like Russia where it has to be there. They are good, discrete and fast. They can be in and out of the country without anyone being the wiser as they have a business visa that's automatically renewed every five years due to the work they do for the Ministry.”
Tossing the paper back down, Sirius nodded, “Works for us then. Have at it there and we'll let you do what you need to. Now, about the bonding—do you have someone to hide this or are you just waiting for that to come? I got a message from Arthur last night that said it might be very wise to see if there is some way to obscure your name on it, at least for now. It's going to come out, there's no way around it. That way, even if mine's revealed, we can keep your chunk secret. I'm not going to have a problem with the hell we know it'll bring. We're going to use Arthur's readings to attach to it along with the past documentation. Once I attach his name to what's there, that's going to point to the fact that this is legitimate and they aren't going to question it much because of him. Especially those on our end of the fence.”
“Yes,” Lucius told him with a firm nod. “It's wise to keep my name out of this for as long as possible. And I have someone that can hide the certificate for me. He doesn't work in that department, but does have the authority to certify it as legitimate. Let's just say he's a person I've cultivated a relationship with on various things over the years and owes me in many ways. Hiding a bonding certificate won't be something he'll grouse over or raise eyebrows. Once we do the bonding, I'll get it to him to 'lose' it for a time. I assure you, he's one that won't betray me. There are many things I know about him that he wouldn't ever want revealed, something he knows I'll do if he even starts down the path to doing something foolish.”
“Good. That's what we need,” Sirius said with a sigh. “You want to do this in two days time, right?”
“That's my thought. Remus and Arthur will be all we need for that to make it official. That gives me the time I need to tend to personal matters and get them in place before basically moving over here other than for the times I can get home,” Lucius told him, folding his hands on the table.
Nodding at that, Sirius then asked, “Then your end of this is going to starting having Death Eaters turn up before you put in a showing with Harry?”
“We thought give it a couple of days to ensure I'm settled, then we start on that end. Arabella's already been contacted and is willing to start sounding alarms to Dumbledore,” Lucius told him.
“That's good with us then,” Sirius told him. “We can go that way. However, we have a suggestion for you, one you really might want to seriously consider here.”
As the two, up until this point, hadn't suggested anything foolish, Lucius was more than willing to listen. “What do you have in mind?” He asked, looking between them.
“Come stay with us the next couple of nights at the Dursleys. We think it's a good idea so that you get a feel for what it's like there and what you have to work with,” Sirius told him. “You can meet us here at sunset so you have plenty of time to tend to whatever it is you have to do until then.”
“This isn't going to be as easy as you think, Lucius,” Harry told him softly with a shake of his head. “It's not like you can do whatever you want. We spend all day out of the house for a reason. There's not only how small my room is, despite the expansion charms on it, but all kinds of other problems as well.”
“Such as?” Lucius asked, now curious. He assumed it would be rough as he knew Harry's relatives weren't the amiable sort, but really didn't have much of an inkling of what went on in the house beyond that.
“The first is going to be an odd one that you're going to have to be careful about; the loo and using it. I don't have an attached bath. You have to use one down the hall,” Harry sighed. “My relatives know who Padfoot is, but we aren't going to tell them about you. So, it'll be something you have to watch or will have to go with one of us for some things. We use a standard item for overnight when it comes to those needs. Anything else you're going to have to be careful with and watch who might see.”
Though that wasn't something he had thought of and it would be a hardship, Lucius could handle it so he nodded. “Understood. Anything else?”
“If you think you're getting any kind of home cooked meal, you're mistaken. Sirius and I grab something to eat before we come home, then stock up on Muggle munchies to get us through the night. My relatives will let us stay there, but they aren't going to feed us. And we have no way to cook for ourselves. We get by other ways,” Harry explained, shaking his head.
“We have no way to install anything like we use in our homes to either store food to keep it fresh or cook. Muggle ways of keeping it cold won't work around the magic in the room either,” Sirius told him bluntly. “I have that room expanded as much as I can and there just isn't any more room to do that. We've enlarged the bed as much as possible to accommodate you, something that's taking up plenty of room there. Unless you or your elves know a way around this, then can give us more room, we're going to have to deal with what's there and continue doing what we are. Laundry we actually have to take to the place down the street to do as we're not going to put up with Harry's family tending to it and have no way to install our way of handling that chore.”
Putting a hand over his mouth, Lucius looked between the two, brow drawn down. These weren't areas he had even considered. And they sounded like problems. “Have you tried coming up with food delivery in some way? Or something like that for meals? The same with sending clothes out?”
“Nothing's going to work if we want the warding I have up to hold and hide you,” Sirius told him with a shake of his head. “Anything we might be able to use to do that would have to negate part of that warding. And outside delivery at night isn't something we can chance. You know our kind, Lucius. They would stand out and draw suspicion.”
Understanding, Lucius nodded but wasn't sure what to say about that.
“And if you think it's going to be nice, you're sadly mistaken,” Harry said with a sad chuckle and shake of his head. “The only reason my family doesn't give us as much grief as they normally would is that Sirius snarls at them once an day and almost threatens them. Even then you still have to put up with some snarky crap from them. And I'm going to suggest you not roam the house as a cat. My aunt is a clean freak. She has fits over Padfoot's hair and how it gets all over. The long hair of your cat is going to send her over the edge, trust me. When they see you, both my aunt and uncle are going to throw a fit. It's going to take Sirius threatening them to get them to back off.”
Seeing Lucius look at him, eyes wide, Sirius gave a dry snort then said, “He's not joking there. This is not pleasant to deal with. The only reason what I'm doing is working is that they're terrified of me because Harry made it a point of telling them I'm an escaped convict that went to prison for murder. Even then, Vernon thinks to try with Harry once a day and I have to step in. This is the mentality we're dealing with here. Once we are in that house for the night, we're confined to that room. We do not leave it, period, other than to use the loo.”
“Just wonderful,” Lucius said, reaching up to rub his forehead, looking down at the table. “These aren't things I had considered or knew about.”
“You also don't have the normal entertainment items most of our homes do either. We find things to do, but it's not like what you normally have,” Sirius told him. “There's no room for so much of it. Then there is the fact that everything, like the loo, has to be done the Muggle way. I've got the spells up on the room itself to not register the magic, but outside that room you can't use any or it's going to trigger Harry getting cited for underage magic.”
“I didn't think of that either,” Lucius told him honestly, shaking his head.
“So, we thought you coming in and seeing the situation before you're dropped into it might be good,” Harry told him quietly.
“If you can, you might have a way around some of this or your elves can come up with something I can't. If not, this is not going to be fun,” Sirius told him honestly. “Harry's bedroom is the smallest room in that house. It's cramped, even with all I've done. You need some kind of idea what you're dealing with before you commit to this so you don't go barmy. It about drove me there the first week.”
“Yes, that's a good idea,” Lucius told them with a slow nod after pondering it. “Maybe I can come up with something as we have a timeline we have to work with and follow before we can get out. When I get home, I'll make arrangements to come over for the night and start to bring items I need. We'll then go from there to see what I can manage to make the whole situation more comfortable for all of us.”
“We can handle that. Just meet us here right at sunset and we'll go from there to get you in,” Sirius said. “Just plan on it not being fun.”
Looking sour, Lucius told him, “I'll manage, don't worry.” Quietly, he began to ask basic questions about what he was going to be dealing with so he could get a better feel for it and wouldn't be so stunned when confronted with it the first time.

Stopping when Vernon snarled at him just before he put his foot on the bottom stair, Harry sighed and turned, waiting for what he knew was coming. Padfoot sat down right next to him, teeth already bared and growling in preparation. Holding Lucius in his cat form close, he watched as his already red in the face uncle and thunderous looking aunt approached.
Huffing, mustache bristling, Vernon snarled, “Now, look, boy! The dog is one thing. We're tolerating that because we have to. Now you bring a cat in here? Absolutely not! I won't stand for this! We are not a home for stray animals!”
“A Persian,” Petunia said, looking sour. “No! The hair on that cat will just get all over everything! Take him back to wherever you found him, I don't care. It's not staying in this house!”
Feeling Lucius puff up then hiss, starting to snarl, and Padfoot growl dangerously, Harry sighed then said, knowing it would do no good, “I'll keep him in my room.”
“No!” Vernon bellowed, stepping closer, face reddening even more. “No cats! Get rid of it! I forbid you from bringing that animal into this house! We put up with enough from you that we're not going to tolerate any more!”
Standing there, saying nothing, Harry waited, knowing it would do no good to argue. It was time to let Sirius take over and deal with this. Petting Lucius, who was hissing loudly, he just looked between the two.
Shifting back, Sirius leveled his wand at the two and snarled, “Excuse me? Are you telling him to get rid of something I bought for him, Vernon? That sounded like what you were saying to me. I hope I'm wrong in that assumption.”
Backing off slightly, red flush starting to drain away as he looked at Sirius' wand, Vernon bristled, though not as much as normal, “This is my house--”
“It is,” Sirius told him with a manic grin. “However, as it was repeatedly explained to you, I'm staying here to protect all of you. And I'm not going to allow you to talk to my godson that way, Vernon. Remember that. I bought him the cat. The cat stays. Harry will make sure that he doesn't bother you and we'll keep him with us, taking care of him. Like everything else that's going on, you're going to ignore the fact that the cat exists and keep your damned mouth shut on the topic. You do that and you'll have no problems with me. If you keep going as you are, then we're going to start having problems. You remember the kind. It resulted in you having a pig nose and ears one morning as you drove off to work. That was me being nice. The next time, I won't be,” Sirius threatened, tone deadly.
Backing off, clutching on Vernon's beefy arm, pulling him with her, Petunia said, tone of fear lacing her voice, “We don't want to deal with the smell of a cat box or having him using the rest of the house as one. Or all that hair all over everything!”
“I said we'll take care of the cat,” Sirius told her, taking a couple of steps forward, glaring at her.
Sputtering, Vernon told him, tone less forceful than normal, “See here! This is our house! We don't need you threatening us at every turn over everything! We let the boy stay here. That's more than most would do. You're taking advantage of us by doing what you are!”
Taking another step forward, glowering at Vernon, Sirius told him, tone lethal, “Then kick Harry out. That's all you have to do, Vernon. I'll take him away with me and you'll never see him again. It's easy enough, as I've told you before. I don't care if you do and neither does he. Of course, if Harry goes, so do those wards protecting all of you. So, it's all up to you. What do you want to do?”
Blustering and stammering, Vernon looked between the boy, the maniac with the wand then to his pale wife before shaking his head.
Giving an amused snort, Sirius said sarcastically, “I thought so. You don't give a damn about Harry and won't do the most basic of things for him or care that he's comfortable, but you want him around for the wards. Typical. So, as I keep telling you once a day, though it doesn't seem to sink in to that thick skull of yours; you stay out of our way and we'll stay out of yours. It's that simple. Because all the problems here are coming from your direction, not ours. You just can't leave Harry alone, can you? We come in, don't say a word to you about anything and head to his room where we hole up all night without you even having to see us. It's you that keeps confronting him and picking fights. That's not real smart, Vernon. Especially since you know I'm around all the time. One would think you had more brains than that. You don't though.” Snarling, he barked, “Back off, both of you! Leave us alone and say nothing! We don't even bother you for the most basic of things, like meals. That should be more than enough to satisfy you. Now, go back to whatever it was you were doing and we'll be about our business. Got me?” Seeing the two nod, he stepped back by Harry then gave him a nudge to get him moving up the stairs. As Harry started to ascend, he said, “I mean it, Vernon. Leave us alone. I've about had it when it comes to dealing with you and your stupidity. My temper isn't the best on a good day. Right now, you're straining even that. You really don't want to keep pushing me. Bad things happen when people do that.” Liking how pale the two were, he glared at them then followed his godson up the stairs.

Shifting back once in Harry's room, Lucius was already sputtering over the confrontation with the lad's family. Looking around at the room as Black warded the door, he began to sputter more. Oh Merlin! This he couldn't take! What he expected, as the room had been expanded, was something the size of his at the manor. Even that would be slightly cramped with three people in it. This—it was half the size of that. Muttering a mild swear word, he turned to look around, not believing what he was seeing. Oh no, something, somehow would be done about this. He didn't care what he had to do!
“Welcome to hell,” Harry told him with an unamused chuckle as he flopped on the bed and propped himself up against the headboard.
“Before I expanded it, the room was smaller than my cell at Azkaban,” Sirius told him, sitting in one of only two chairs in the room.
“It's not much bigger than that now!” Lucius told him, tone of incredulousness in his voice as he did.
“I've done the best I can. It's a damned sight better than what it was,” Sirius told him, leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms over his chest.
Not sure what to say, Lucius shook his head, glancing around, trying to think what he could do to improve the situation. The most basic of things he took for granted weren't even here, something that was actually causing mild panic. What was here were Muggle items he didn't even begin to know how to use! Looking between the two, he asked, “How often does that bit before we came up the stairs happen?”
“About once a day, two or three times on weekends,” Sirius told him casually. “It either comes before we leave for the day or when we come home at night. Tonight was actually something factual that brought it on. Normally, it's something like we're making too much noise at night and Vernon can't sleep because of it. Bullshite, obviously, since we have silencing charms on the room. Or that the neighbors are gossiping about us. More bullshite. Everything that goes on, whether it's real or not, is our fault. We make sure to stay out of their way, but you see what happens.”
“I cannot deal with this,” Lucius said, sputtering. Scanning around again, he tried to think.
“This is why you needed warned,” Harry told him quietly. “You wouldn't have believed us if we had told you this. And the bathroom? It's about the size of a closet. We can't put an expansion charm on it either.”
Starting to pace, feeling slightly claustrophobic, Lucius said, “Something will be done here. Let me think--” Putting a hand to his forehead as he tried to stem the rising panic over the situation, he attempted to come up with something that could help.
“We're going to let you do whatever you think you can there,” Sirius snorted, looking at the man.
Pleased with that, Lucius said, “Let me get a couple of elves over here to see what they can do. I think, maybe, they can expand this more and get us at least the most basic of necessities. They can get through the warding without negating it. Once that's done, we'll work on other areas. They might be able to do something about delivering food and whatnot.”
Grabbing a bottle of Muggle beer out of the carton by the desk, Sirius cast a cooling charm on it then cracked it open and took a deep swallow. “Have at it. If you can manage, you'll hear no arguments from us.” Holding up the beer so Malfoy could see it, he added, “And if you want anything like this that's Wizarding made, you need to bring it with you. We have no way of getting any of that close to here, so we make-do with the Muggle versions.”
No! Lucius could not deal with that. “I'll get the elves to bring provisions,” he said with a firm nod. Looking between the two, he asked, “How have you managed to carry on like this without going mental?”
“I'm used to it,” Harry shrugged. “It's how I grew up. This room is far bigger than what I had until I got my Hogwarts letter. Other than that, it's always been like this.”
“You do what you have to,” Sirius told him, taking another swallow of his beer. Grinning, he said, “I told you it wasn't nice.”
Not even wanting to ponder that, Lucius shook his head. “We are bumping that timeline up as fast as we can get it. I don't care. I cannot handle this!” Stopping, he rubbed his face with a trembling hand and tried to think.
“We won't complain about that either,” Sirius told him, looking at the man. “Just so everything's in place so no one thinks it's off, we'll go with it.”
“Let me work with this and see what I can manage,” Lucius told them firmly. Summoning a couple of elves, he set them on expanding what was there then would press on after they were done. Oh no, he needed something better in place here and would find a way. Beyond that, he vowed to shed all over every inch of this Muggle abode before he left as pure revenge on the idiots downstairs!
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Well, Ain't That Strange?