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Harry Potter and the End of Illusions	By : Christina_Potter_09 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Harry/Hermione Views: 11159 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
- CHAPTER NINE –

Friendship Against Love

Harry didn’t dare to move downstairs for dinner. He preferred to stay where he was and think more carefully about what he had realized some hours before. The next day he would take his apparation test, and the day after that he would be having the team's first Quidditch practice. On Tuesday they would begin working on Legilimency and Occlumency in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but Harry couldn’t take his mind off of Hermione.

He considered his current feelings and wondered why he liked Ginny in the first place. After a while, Harry began to think that he may have felt close to Ginny because she reminded him of his mother. Together, Harry and Ginny resembled James and Lily in appearance. But, despite this realization, Harry felt that Hermione was more like his mother, on the inside. Hermione, like Lily were muggle-born witches and even if they were outcasts always cared for others. Both Hermione and Lilly preferred the safe ground to flying unlike he and his father, James. Hermione and Lily were ready to sacrifice themselves for Harry; his mother did once and lost her life, Hermione did more than once and, thank Merlin, survived. Harry felt as if all these thoughts were pieces of a puzzle that had taken him years to figure out.

He didn’t want to go downstairs and face Hermione, suddenly feeling guilty and ashamed. He never thanked her, never showed her how grateful he was for her help and her friendship and now he wasn’t sure if he could make it and show his love for her without destroying their friendship. It was the only bond he'd had with someone that had, thus far, been unbroken. He and Ron had problems before. Ron had cast him aside twice and in a way, in the back of his mind, Harry hadn’t forgiven Ron for some of his actions. He eventually forgave Ron for leaving him in fourth year, but Harry couldn’t easily forget the fact that Ron left him and Hermione in the middle of nowhere.

Harry suddenly realized why he had felt so strange and even left out when he thought of Hermione and Ron together or when he saw them kissing. Harry didn’t know if all this affection and care Hermione had shown him over the years meant love from her side. If it did, he was a daft git for not realizing it, but if it wasn’t Harry didn’t know if he could handle just being her friend or worse, being away from her because he dared to show her how he feels.

Harry didn’t even want to think of what may happen if he tells Hermione how he feels and she pulls away from him. A soft knock on his door and Hermione’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

‘Harry are you alright? Can I come in?’ Hermione was asking. Harry took his glasses off and rubbed his face. He put his glasses back on and cleared his throat.

‘Yeah, come in,’ he said, forcing himself to sound calm. Hermione opened the door and looked inside. She smiled at him and entered the room. Crookshanks was in her arms and a tray with food on it was moving close to her by it self.

‘You didn’t come down for dinner and I thought you’d be hungry.’ Hermione said and Harry smiled at her. She always cared for him. He sat up on his bed and Hermione settled the tray next to him. Warm soup and bread were on it along with a glass of butterbeer. Harry took the spoon and the plate and started eating as Hermione sat next to him and started caressing her cat’s head gently, looking at him. ‘I’m worried for you,’ she said and Harry stopped and looked at her chocolate brown eyes. Harry knew that look, when she seemed to know more than people think she does. He returned to his soup trying to think of something to say.

‘I’m fine, Hermione. I was just tired and wanted to focus on my test for tomorrow. Really, everything is fine,’ Harry lied and heard her sighing.

‘Very well,’ she said and he knew she didn’t believe him. He couldn’t do anything about that right now.

‘You saw Ron?’ he asked, trying to change the subject. Hermione chuckled and nodded.

‘He was with Luna in the loo on the second floor. At first I thought the Myrtle was having a difficult day but when I went inside, Ron and Luna were snogging and the ghost was cursing at them for disturbing her,’ Hermione said and Harry stared at her. After a beat, they both burst into laughter.

‘I’m happy you’re OK with that, I mean Ron and Luna,’ Harry said uneasy, not being sure of how she’ll take it. Ron has kissed those lips. Harry thought as his eyes traveled to her lips, he felt his cheeks getting hot and tried to lower his head not to show it.

‘Well, now I can talk to Ron and he seems to doing well. I think Luna has a hand in it. She is very upfront with him and shows him what she needs or what needs to be done. I never did that. It’s not really like me to be so blunt about such things. I want the other realize things on his own and come and talk to me,’ Hermione said smiling.

Harry blinked. Had she just given him a sign? He tried not to get too excited and kept eating.

‘Ron will come tomorrow afternoon so we can all study together,' she continued. 'Luna helps him with some of his homework. She researches for him in the library when I do my own but I think he wants to copy my homework for Legilimency and Occlumency,’ Hermione said. Harry smiled and set his empty now plate on the tray. He took the glass of butterbeer and emptied it.

‘I guess he missed doing that,’ Harry said as he let the glass close to the plate. Hermione smiled.

‘I guess so,’ she said and Harry could see that she was a bit uneasy about something. Before he could ask, she spoke. ‘I don’t want to take the classes for Legilimency and Occlumency.’ Harry's eyes grew wide. Hermione was always great in her classes and was always eager to learn everything she could.

‘What do you mean?’ Harry asked and Hermione looked at him.

‘Like with the Patronus, it needs great power. Plus, I don’t want some stranger to look into my head. There are a lot of things that I'd prefer not to remember,’ she said hanging her head. Harry guessed she meant times like her tortures in the Malfoy manor and the time Ron left them in the middle of nowhere. He moved closer and hugged her with the cat in the middle. Hermione hugged him back, making Crookshanks leave her lap with an irritated meow and an angry glare at Harry for taking his place close to his mistress. Harry closed his eyes at her touch and scent. The aroma of roses was filling his system and he didn’t realize Hermione was trying to break the hug gently. He eventually broke the hug and looked at her smiling with a plan in his head for her and the lesson on Tuesday.

‘Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will be fine.’ He said as he smiled at her and she returned the smile.

Hermione left Harry’s room after a few minutes, taking the tray with her, leaving him relaxed and somehow happy. He fell asleep feeling calmer than he had been earlier that afternoon. He dreamed of having the Sorting Hat on his head, telling him he wasn’t accepted in any house because he was daft enough to take more than three years to realize which woman he loved. And then the entire school had laughed at him because Hermione had walked next to him with Victor Krum by her side. He woke with a start.

The sun hadn’t yet risen in the horizon and Harry was feeling exhausted. He tried to sleep again but his regular nightmares made their appearance. He woke up two more times before he decided that he didn’t want to see any more so he stood up and tried to remember what was necessary for him to pass his apparation test in a few hours. He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Hermione’s voice crying out in a way that he wished he would never listen to again. He walked out of his bedroom and down to the common room where her voice was louder. She was up in her room and probably suffering from some nightmare.

He climbed the steps to her door. Her voice was still heard, calling… him. Without hesitation, he opened the door. Hermione’s bedroom was very much like his own, but this one had more books and school supplies than his. On her bed, Hermione was tossing and screaming in her sleep. Harry moved closer to her and tried wake her. Hermione was calling his name in her sleep, she was calling for help and pleading for something to stop. Harry sat close to her body and tried to shook her shoulders, he felt panic just in the sight of Hermione like that, he couldn’t bare seeing her suffer. After a few moments Harry finally managed to wake her. Hermione’s eyes opened widely and tears ran down her face. Harry had never seen Hermione having a nightmare before, though he'd heard her a few times over the summer.

Harry hugged Hermione and tried to make her relax. Hermione clung to him and hid her face in the crook of his neck. Harry started rubbing circles on her back, feeling bad for her but at the same time glad to be holding her close to him, in his hug.

‘I can’t handle it anymore,’ Hermione whispered against Harry’s neck and Harry tightened his hug, wanting to show her that she was protected. ‘I hate seeing her torturing me again and again,’ Hermione added and Harry broke the hug and looked at her tear streaked face.

‘We had an agreement, Hermione,’ Harry said and reached his hand to her chest and touched her scar. Only then he realized she was wearing a light pink gown with a long V neck. ‘These scars, in and out of our skin, are our past,’ Harry said and Hermione nodded and leaned forward to hug him.

‘Thank you for being here,’ Hermione said and Harry smiled and placed a kiss on her hair, feeling happy to return some of the affection she had displayed to him all this time. He felt as if he was repaying her for the way he'd acted when he couldn't comfort her in the past.

The next day was really busy for Harry. He waited for Hermione and together they went downstairs for breakfast. He gathered his Quidditch team and informed them of the change he had planned for their practice. He then found Professor Brown and asked if she would choose for him to pair with Hermione to practice Legilimancy and Occlumency on Tuesday. The professor agreed, smiling and saying that she completely understood. After that, Harry found McGonagall and the man from the Ministry who would set the test for him. The three flooed out of Hogwarts so Harry could take the test.

After almost an hour Harry exited the headmaster’s office, tired and a bit dizzy but happy. He had passed. Many students were waiting in the corridor. His Quidditch team was there and so was Hermione. He simply nodded and Hermione flung herself into his arms. He remembered the way Ginny had done the same back in sixth year and just bit his tongue in an effort not to kiss Hermione like he had done with Ginny. He just hugged her tightly and thanked her for no specific reason. Everyone in the corridor started clapping and both Harry and Hermione broke the hug. Harry looked at the team and saw Ginny talking with Helena like nothing had happened and Ron was just smiling at him with Luna at his side.

Hermione excused herself, giving them two hours to be on the pitch and then return to the small common room so they could study. Harry and Ron agreed and, with the rest of the team, moved to the pitch for the practice. The first practice of the new team wasn’t as bad as it could be and Harry agreed they could be a great team on next Saturday. The new additions of the team were adjusting perfectly with the older ones; Ginny was as good as Harry remembered her and Ron, maybe because Luna was on the seats watching, gave his very best. Harry himself was good as well, finding the Snitch many times. He felt relieved and positive thoughts filled his mind as he kicked with force and flew into the air with his new broomstick. He didn’t care for the rest of the year, his N.E.W.T.s, the curious students already gathering on the pitch or the past months and what happened in the same castle right before the summer.

After a long time on his broom Harry checked his watch and saw two hours and twenty minutes had gone by. Time was really passing by quickly when he was on his broomstick. However, at the thought of an angry Hermione waiting for him and Ron in the common room, he made up his mind in seconds. He finished the practice by congratulating everyone and leaving with Ron for the changing rooms. He took a quick shower and left after another ten more minutes. When he said the password to the small angels of the portrait and entered the room, along with Ron, Hermione wasn’t there.

‘And we came running in here... Where is she?’ Ron asked as he left his bag close to a table and conjured a chair, to Harry’s surprise.

‘Luna taught me how to do it,’ Ron replied to Harry’s unspoken question and blushed deeply. Harry chuckled and moved up to his dorm to leave his broom and gather his books. He opened his truck to find them but the first book he found was “Twelve Fail-Save Ways to Charm Witches”. Harry picked it up thoughtfully.

He didn’t usually fancy reading books and this specific book wasn't one that he wanted to read right now. He felt it was something like a manual to use regarding women. But his feelings for Hermione made him feel that she deserved better than him using a book to advise him. His heart would guide him even though it was all very complicated. Ron may have found it useful but Harry felt like this book just wouldn't be very helpful to him. With that thought, he tossed the book away and gathered the books that were useful to him. The last hours with Ron weren’t the easiest for Harry close to his best friend, the memory of Ron and Hermione kissing before the battle was still in his mind and was causing him shots of pain and anger in his heart but he knew things were over between the two, but even like that, he hoped he knew how is to kiss Hermione like Ron did…

Harry returned to the small common room and found Ron at the desk with his books ready. He walked over and sat down next to his best mate. ‘Should we wait for Hermione?’ Harry asked and Ron shrugged.

‘I think she’s lost in the library and won’t be back any time soon,’ Ron said with a heavy sigh. Harry agreed and put his defense against the dark arts book on the desk. They started studying in silence. Ron placed some pieces of parchment close to his book. Harry looked at them and noticed the handwriting wasn’t Ron's. At the end of the text with the strange handwriting were some hearts made by pink ink. Ron noticed Harry’s gaze and blushed as he tried to hide the pink hearts.

‘Luna researches for me sometimes,’ Ron said uneasily and Harry smiled. He hadn’t asked his friend how those two had paired up and now curiosity was getting the better of him.

‘How did you two… you know, get together? If you don't mind me asking…’ Harry said and Ron looked at him and then sighed as a smile formed on his lips.

‘When you two, you and Hermione, left for Australia, I was mad at you. Luna came over a lot and talked to me. I called her Loony and stuff in the past but she started talking about her mom and the day she died and I found I wanted to talk to her about Fred and how I felt about everything. We talked until late at nights and I found that this dreamy… thing she has is just something like a cocoon so she can protect herself from pain. When she wants, she is really serious like I am, usually. We talked about loss and then I told her how I was feeling about you and Hermione being away and she opened my eyes to some things,’ Ron said slowly.

‘Things?’ Harry asked when he saw Ron was lost in his memories. Ron looked back at him and smiled a bit more.

‘You know I was always jealous of you, Harry,’ Ron said and lowered his head. ‘The main problem however was that I was jealous of Hermione too, and not just because I wanted her for me or something. Because she was always great in what she was doing; school, helping others, helping you. You are powerful and she’s so bright. I always believed you two would be… you know... and I was feeling second best, like I was with my brothers,’ Ron said and Harry didn’t know what to say. He had never heard his best friend talk like that.

‘I was the comic relief of our small team. Luna showed me I’m more than this. She showed me what it's like to be accepted, like you are with Hermione and she is with you. I knew you two were better than I was with Hermione. That drove me to thinking that I kind of fancied Hermione, because I wanted her to be with me as she was with you. I started thinking like that from our third year. I just wanted to show that the hero doesn’t always get the girl. Our rows became worse every year because I wasn’t sure of what I wanted and kept sending her the wrong message. First I wanted to be a good friend and some moments after I wanted more.... I had no idea what I really wanted and it became tiring for both of me and her...’ Ron said keeping his head lowered.

‘I still remember how she was looking at you, waiting for you to announce that you were the prefect and how she looked at me when she realized I was the one. Hermione was always expecting things from me that I couldn’t give and always believed you are more than great in anything you did. Luna isn’t like that, she is satisfied with me no matter what I do and I’m trying to be Ok with what she does.’ Ron kept on and Harry thought of every word Ron was saying, agreeing with most of them and finding even more good things between Hermione and himself.

‘I made Hermione cry more times than I made her laugh. I tried to do other things. Lav was one of those. I was just trying to decide what I wanted from Hermione and things got more complicated when we were in the tent, when you two were so good with everything you did. Hermione had the ideas you had the power and I was the one who was just acting like a prat. I felt jealous; not just of Hermione, but of you having someone like Hermione so close to you. And that darn locket was making my mind so misty and confused…’ Ron said and Harry spoke trying to comfort the young man.

‘She was very sad when you left,’ he said, wanting to show Ron that Hermione was a good friend for him as well. Ron smiled sadly.

‘I’m sure she was. I know how it is to feel left out and I know how I made both of you feel that night and the ones that followed. Things were clear when Hermione cast the Protego charm and she was right next to you with the charm against me. When I returned and she shouted at me, I knew she had every right to. I hurt her a lot and she couldn’t forget. When we were back here and you were gone to find the diadem, Hermione was the one to think of the basilisk and I thought of the Chamber. We went there and—‘ Ron stopped quickly and took a short panicked breath. He opened and closed his mouth several times before continuing.

‘When we returned we knew what we had to do: help you and nothing else. We were under a lot of pressure and when I mentioned the elves I know I just pushed a button and she kissed me, it was the first time we had worked together without problems and I thought things could work out in some way... After that, when you were safe, we were free to keep up from there but we were too afraid to accept that the kiss was a mistake. My sorrow and her pain for her parents drove us to more arguments and fights. We thought we could give it a chance but it wasn’t working, the gaps were too large. That kiss and a couple more which followed just showed me how wrong things were. When I finally had Hermione, I saw the truth,’ Ron said not noticing that Harry's jaw was clenched at the mention of Ron and Hermione kissing.

‘We both knew things wouldn’t last but neither of us dared to end them. I don’t know why. We just didn’t have the courage to be the one who would end it. So when you two left and I was alone, Luna showed me how it is to be unique, something Hermione never had the power to do with me,’ Ron finished and looked at Harry more flushed than Harry ever could remember seeing him.

‘Don’t you dare tell Hermione OR Luna the things I told you,’ Ron said warningly and Harry smiled and nodded. He hadn’t heard Ron talk like that in a very long time. He actually wasn’t sure if he had ever heard him talking like that ever. But he was happy to know Ron’s opinion about what happened in their lives. He knew about Hermione’s nightmares and fears. They were the same as his but he hadn’t shared much time with his best male friend. Now he could see clearly why Luna and Ron had gotten together. Loss and pain connected them, and a healthy sense of humor was keeping them happy. Harry was more than happy and hopeful knowing that two people who were friends at first became so close. He knew he wasn’t with Hermione like Ron was with her and that gave him more hope for him and Hermione as something more.

Harry came out of his thoughts when he realized that Ron was staring at him. ‘Sorry I got distracted. I’m happy for you and Luna,’ Harry said and Ron smiled and thanked him. The returned in their lessons for Tuesday. Harry didn’t want to talk to Ron about his feelings for Hermione, things were still too fragile in his mind and Hermione and Ron’s friendship was finally in a good point to wound it again but Harry needed to tell to Ron what it was in his mind even if the last times between the two friends were uneasy from Harry’s side.

‘Thank you, for helping me all those times and saving my life in the small lake when the doe showed up,’ Harry said as he turned his head and looked at Ron. Ron looked at him as well and smiled.

‘Thank you for being my friend and forgiving me, mate,' Ron replied and patted Harry on the shoulder. ‘We had better do something about our homework now before Hermione bites our heads off,’ Ron added and returned to his book. Harry nodded but then remembered the favor he had asked of Ms Brown the same morning.

‘You promise not to tell to Hermione what I’m about to tell you?’ Harry first asked Ron. He wanted Hermione to feel good about their lesson on Tuesday. He also was curious to see some of Hermione’s memories. The only ones he had seen were Snape’s and he hoped Hermione’s would be more happy and less painful than his own. He also knew that seeing Hermione’s memories and thoughts may help him realize if she could return the feelings he had for her. It was a good chance for Harry to learn more about Hermione’s wants now with Ron out of the picture, he believed his idea of having Hermione practicing with him was simply brilliant.

‘Yes, I promise. What is it?’ Ron asked without looking up from his book.

‘Hermione was uneasy about Legilimancy and Occlumency lessons so I asked for Professor Brown to choose me and her for practice. Don’t tell Hermione about it. You promised! ’ Harry said smiling. He thought his idea was brilliant but Ron jerked his head up with wide eyes.

‘You did what?’ Ron asked, almost sounding angry. Harry didn’t understand why that was so bad and was ready to protest but the door of the common room heard opened and Hermione appeared, flushed and out of breath with her arms full of books. Ron sighed heavily and looked back down at his book as Hermione spoke.

‘I’m so sorry for being so late, I lost track of time in the library. How was practice?’ she asked as she moved close to the desk. She looked surprised at the unfamiliar chair that Ron was sitting on and then looked at Harry who smiled brightly. He didn’t know why Ron had reacted like that but he suddenly didn’t care as Hermione was smiling at him.

‘It was very good,’ Harry replied smiling but Ron just nodded seriously. Hermione took her books out of her bag and put the ones she had brought from the library on the desk as well. She opened some of them and started noting things on a piece of parchment. Harry watched her for awhile but moved his gaze away when she looked at him and their eyes met.

The rest of the afternoon went by quickly with the trio studying in silence. Harry still couldn’t understand why Ron had acted as he did. He believed that having practice with Hermione would protect her privacy as well as his and things would be easier than practicing with some stranger. Either way, he had nothing to hide from Hermione and what could Hermione wanted to hide from him?
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Harry Potter and the End of Illusions