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The Regret of Argus Filch	By : Bargle5 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 5345 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-The Regret of Argus Filch
- 1
The characters and situations portrayed here-in are the property of J. K. Rowling and Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. and possibly others. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended. No money is being made from this story.

Author note: Just moved the disclaimer to the top, so the mods could see it. Nothing new.

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The Regret of Argus Filch

�Lumos.�

The lights come on. The thin streaks are enough to keep me from going blind, but not much more. I can make out the shape of the pallet I�m laying on. My pillow is two large rags sewn together and stuffed with smaller rags. It meets the need. It would be better if it wasn�t so often wet with tears.

Yes, Argus Filch cries. He cries from fear and shame. From anger and loss. The students at Hogwarts would probably be amazed. �Nasty old Filch cries? I don�t believe it.� Mrs. Norris has always known, but of course she can�t tell. I hope someone is taking care of her, not that she really needs it, cats can take care of themselves after all. The students would also be amazed to find there is a name I hate more than their taunts of �squib�. Thankfully, they don�t know the worst one. I don�t think anyone at Hogwarts knows. The worst thing you could call Argus Filch is just one word, not even a nasty one in the normal course of things. Still, it�s the one that wounds me deepest.

�Virgin.�

How did such a thing come to pass? I didn�t set out to be one this long in life, I assure you. I wasn�t a handsome child as you could probably guess, yet that�s not all there is to it.

One of the boys in my neighborhood was named Merle. It�s not pride when I say he was as ugly as me. Yet from from our early teens onward, he never lacked for an attractive girlfriend. Merle had the gift of gab. The old Muggle saying, �He could charm the birds off a branch.�, that was Merle all over.

I, on the other hand, could rarely talk to a girl without getting all red in the face and stammering like a fool.

And it wasn�t just that I was awkward, I was repulsive. It became clear one day as I was loafing about with some school friends, boys and girls both. There was a school fete coming up and some of my chums started asking the girls to go with them. Someone, I don�t remember who, asked, �Who you want to go with, Argy?� I hadn�t really given it any thought. As I was thinking it over, I happened to look at one of the girls who hadn�t been asked as yet. Plain, a little dumpy, I don�t think she�d ever been asked by anyone to go anywhere. Her look started me down this path. Nice the way time lets you see the turning points. Simply put, she was revolted. She might be plain and lonely, but she wasn�t ever going to stoop to spending time with nasty Argus Filch. It was so clear on her face.

I managed to get home before the tears started.

I began to notice things I hadn�t before. Girls made a point of never being alone with me. They were careful not to be mean about it, yet the end result was the same, I was left alone.

At some point, I gave up.

After I finished my studies at the Muggle school I attended, I entered the workforce. Common labouring jobs for a few years, then an opening for an assistant caretaker at Hogwarts came up. I applied and was hired. Old Pringle taught me what I needed to know and when he retired, I took over.

Some thirty years later, I was a fixture and expected to be at my job until I could no longer perform it. Then that damned boy and girl entered Hogwarts. �The Boy Who Lived� and the �brightest student in many years�. Potter and Granger. I thought I had Potter by the short hairs his second year. Thought he had froze Mrs. Norris. Turned out to be a Basilisk. At least I got Mrs. Norris back eventually, well again. I missed her terribly. Potter remained a pain in the arse though.

Still, he was just a pest until he reached his sixth year at the school. Then Potter and Granger started going about together and it all started coming back.

The first time I caught them, they were in an empty classroom. His hands were under her jumper. God, his hands were all over under it. Snogging all the while. Whispering each others name. Fair disgusting it was. She took her knickers off, while he dropped his trousers to his ankles. Leaned her back against the wall. She hooked a leg around him. Looked awkward as hell, but they seemed to not mind. They never saw me. I can be very quiet when I want. Ducked behind a free standing blackboard and watched it all.

I headed along to Dumbledore�s office to report it. I must admit it gave me a good bit of satisfaction to know I was going cause problems for �The Boy Who Lived�. Smug little git. I really should have known better.

After I laid things out for him, the Headmaster sat and thought a bit before speaking. �Argus, if these were two normal students, I would give them my standard lecture about there being plenty of time for that sort of thing after they had left Hogwarts and give them a long series of detentions to serve, but these are not two normal students. They are the enemies of Voldemort. They may well not have an �after Hogwarts�, sad as that is to contemplate. As long as they are reasonably discreet, I would not deny them the pleasures of that part of life.�

�But what if the girl gets pregnant?�

�You�re forgetting the Ward against pregnancy, Argus. No Hogwarts student has become pregnant since its being put in place.�

True, of course. So the little snot got to go right on with his shagging. Every so often I�d find them somewhere. Empty classroom, closet, lakeside, Forbidden Forest. Bloody hell, they would go at it anywhere. A certain room on the third floor became their favorite. It hadn�t been used since that time when the Stone was kept at Hogwarts. By rearranging some of the clutter, I created a hiding place. Why did I want a hiding place? I wish I knew. Damn, no point in lying to myself now. I wanted to watch. She was so pretty. I imagined it was my hands on her. My cock sliding into her. Making her moan and gasp. Shouting my name. Hah, right.

The first time I saw them there after I made my hide, she got there early. Apparently, they had made some preparations beforehand. Opening a drawer in one of the desks, she took out a bath towel and folded it in half and laid it on top of the desk. Then she took off her knickers, a blue so thin you could see through it. I could see the patch of dark hair even before she pulled them down. A neatly trimmed tangle of curls. Just what I would expect from her. She then flipped up her skirt and set that sweet arse on the towel. Clever fingers quickly unbuttoned her blouse and unhooked the front of her bra. Those same fingers cupped themselves around her breasts and began squeezing them, rubbing the nipples. This made the moans start. One hand trailed down between her thighs. She spread her legs a bit and laid back on the desk. One finger started sliding along the seam of her flesh. A little more pressure and it dipped between her folds. I could see moisture glistening. A little gasp as she found her clit. The finger began to move rapidly, sweat glistening on her forehead. More moans. Then her hips arching up as she said, �Oh, yes!�

�Starting without me?� Potter was standing by the door. There was already a bulge showing in his pants. �Orgasmic little thing, aren�t you?�

�I didn�t think you would mind. I was thinking about you at the time."

�In that case, I guess I�ll let it pass.�

�Good. Do you think you could come over here and give me another one?�

Potter sighed. �I tell you, it�s not fair. If I had just brought myself off, it would be a while before I could do it again. You have one and,� he snapped his fingers, �you�re ready for another.�

A thoughtful, naughty look appeared on her face. �Perhaps we need to bring in another boy or two. Say, Ron and maybe Seamus or Dean. That way you can shag me in rotation. How�s that sound?�

Potter strode over to her, reached out and began tickling her. �Miss Granger, if I ever catch you shagging anyone else, I�ll start tickling you and I won�t stop. Do I make myself clear?�

�Yes, oh god, stop!� Potter did stop and stood in front of her. She suddenly flung her arms around him. �I love you, Harry.�

�I love you, Hermione.�

Fair made me sick, that part.

�Harry, that�s a lovely stiffy you�ve got there, but do you think you could wait a bit before you put it in me?�

�What do you have in mind?�

�Give me your hand and I�ll show you.� She took his hand and guided it to where her own had been. �Harry, I want you to put your fingers in me.� Potter grinned like an idiot at that, but he did it.

Granger began again with the moaning and yelling, louder this time. She liked the hell out of it, it seemed. Again with the hips arching and writhing about. �Harry, oh yes, Harry!� Bloody cliche she was.

Potter couldn�t stand it any longer. He jerked his trousers and boxers down and began shagging her like a man possessed. He lasted maybe thirty seconds. Grunted and jerked. Looked a right fool.

I�d already lost it myself sometime during her second orgasm. Had to go change clothes. Damn! Had to remember to bring my own towel and take my cock out before she finished next time. Stupid git.

They began to make a regular thing of it. Wednesdays after supper. I started bringing an extra towel to clench between my teeth so I wouldn�t moan with them. Merlin, she was hot. Potter didn�t deserve her.

I saw the first time Potter used his mouth on her. Had to take his glasses off, so he missed the first try and stuck his nose in her. They both thought that was funny as hell. Finally got his tongue where he needed to. Bloody hell, she got wet from that. I could smell her musk all the way over where I was. A bit of a draft in that room. He stuck his fingers in her to help things along. That about drove her nuts, judging by the yelping and shouting his name. He wouldn�t give her a rest either. She had three orgasms by my count before he stopped. She laid there for a minute, then she got up and knelt in front of him. She went at his cock like she was starving for it. One of those sluts from a nasty video would have been proud of her. Fast, slow, deep, tongue all over it. He didn�t last long under that kind of attention. Neither did I. I hadn�t come that hard myself in years. She swallowed his load. Lucky bastard, she�s wasted on him. Mine just landed in the towel. That was enough for them that night. Me too.

They started experimenting with different things more often. Her bent over, with him slamming it into her from behind, making slapping noises, he was pounding her so hard. Sometimes she�d get on top and ride him. Standing against the wall. One night he straddled her chest, laid it between her tits and squeezed them together over it. Rubbing in and out until he shot off across her chest, a string of pearls they call it. Then she wipes it up with her fingers and puts them in her mouth and licks them clean. That was more than I could stand. My string of pearls was wasted on the towel. Damned lucky Potter. Lucky little bastard.

The last thing I remember clearly from before was opening the door to the room and seeing the girl laying on the desk, skirt pulled up, pleasuring herself. She�d got there ahead of me that night. What happened then? They tell me I... I... raped her.

The next thing I remember, I was on the floor with those two louts from Slytherin, Crabbe and Goyle sitting on me. The girl was in a corner of the room, crying hysterically. She wouldn�t let Potter or anyone else touch her. Malfoy was standing there, sneering at her. Nasty little prat. Seems he�d been following Potter to see what he was up to that night. My bad luck. Dumbledore had to stun the girl before they could get her to the hospital wing. The aurors were summoned and they took me away.

My trial was a few short weeks later. Trials for non-wizarding crimes are very much like Muggle ones. A judge, barristers for both sides. The main difference is the lack of delay. These things go faster in the wizarding world. There was all the testimony from the others. The girl was there, so drugged up, she was barely conscious. They tell me she still has nightmares and doesn�t like being touched, even by Potter.

If I�d known what they were going to do next, I would have confessed, instead I stood mute. My damn fool of a barrister didn�t explain the full consequences of that. Said he thought I knew. The judge calls for the Special Inquisitorial Trio. I didn�t know what that was. Quickly, I found out.

�Have you chosen one?� he asks the Trio.

�Yes.� says one fellow and he steps forward.

�Do you agree to perform the interrogation, knowing full well the consequences of doing so?�

�Yes.�

�Very well. Do your duty. God help you.�

The man from the Trio turns and faces me. Another one of the Trio produces a small table and an urn. The first wizard points his wand at me and speaks a binding spell. This is when I realized it wasn�t an ordinary urn. It was a pensieve. I knew what he was about to do. I foolishly struggled even knowing it wouldn�t help. Such is fear. He touched the wand to my head and muttered a spell. When he took it away, there was a silvery white substance clinging to it. My memory. He placed it in the pensieve. He put away his wand, gripped the edges of the table and plunged his face into the urn. After several minutes, he raised up, white faced, tears running down his face. The judge waited until he had collected himself before ordering him to the witness box.

�Interrogator Anglesee, did the accused commit the crime?�

�Yes he did.�

�Are there any circumstances that would be cause for leniency in sentencing?�

�No sir. Nothing.�

�Very well, you are dismissed.�

He was helped away. I later learned, after a pensieve interrogation, the special interrogator has his or her memory immediately obliviated. They took away the pensieve as well. The significance of that didn�t strike me at first.

The judge spoke. �Argus Filch, I find you guilty of the crime of rape. I sentence you a term of at least ten years, but not more than twenty years imprisonment in Azkaban. Do you have anything to say before you are removed to there?�

�Yes sir, when do I get my memory back?�

�Never Mr. Filch, never. You will not have the pleasure of reliving your crime. Goodbye, Mr. Filch.�

The aurors took me away and stuck me here. So I sit in the gloom. I probably won�t live long enough to qualify for parole. Not that I would likely get it anyway. You have to feel true regret for your crime. They check to see if it�s real regret with Veritaserum. No, I don�t feel regret. Why? Because they took my memory away, damn them. I still don�t know what sex feels like! I�M STILL A BLOODY DAMN VIRGIN!

Tears soak my pillow again.
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The Regret of Argus Filch