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And Now There's You	By : madilayn Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 2707 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Title: And Now There's You
Author: Madilayn
Summary: True Love Waits
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Sirius Black / Remus Lupin
Feedback: desired.
Characters: Sirius Black; Remus Lupin
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
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I’ve been told to ‘lay low at Lupin’s’. I don’t want to. What I want is to look after Harry. Unfortunately, being wanted for escaping from Azkaban tends to put a huge stumbling block in front of all my plans.

I never want to look at a rat again for as long as I live.

Lupin is Remus J Lupin — a man for whom I have a great deal of respect. And more. I’ve been in lust with him since I was fifteen. Or is it love? I always have trouble working that out. The problem is that I’m not attracted to men. Women, to me, are great for sex. Sticking my cock up a wet pussy is my idea of a good afternoon, morning, night, whatever. And I can’t imagine making love without tits being involved. And then I think of Remus J. Lupin, and all I want is him. His cock, his lips.

Remus is different. There’s something about him that makes me want to protect him ‘ as well as fuck him senseless. Funny, he wasn’t even my best friend. That was James ‘ Harry’s dad. Remus was different. We all did things for Remus. Somehow he has the ability to inspire people to ‘do great deeds’. We certainly did! And I’ve been so thankful in the last thirteen years that I am an unregistered Animagus.

Snuffles ‘ my alter ego. Why Snuffles? I have no idea. Probably because Padfoot — my nickname — is far too well known.

Remus. It was certainly a shock to see you last year. Your appearance shocked me probably as much as mine did you. I could see it in your eyes. I could also see the willingness to kill me if I had been the monster I’ve been portrayed as.

You know all about monsters, Remus. It was obvious to me that the year spent in relative comfort teaching had only scratched the surface of your sad situation.

It’s not just the werewolf business that had left you looking so much older than your years. Poverty will do that too. Bloody Remus — too proud to ask for help. Too proud to even take help when offered. Charity my arse, you git. That’s what friends are for — to take care of one another!

D’you know, I can remember when I first met you. James and I, and the shy, wild boy you were. Even at eleven you inspired us. You were certainly different from the pair of us. We weren’t sure at first whether we would ever like you. You were so different. Even then, your nose was always in a book. Good thing ‘ you inspired James and I to learn. Just to keep up with you.

I wish we hadn’t been so jealous of your friendship. I often wonder how different things would have been if we had not shattered the friendship you had with Snape? Shattered it so b tha that by our seventh year he hated you as much as he hated us.

Did you ever resent that we wanted to keep you completely to ourselves? Or did you, as usual, blame yourself? Probably blamed yourself. That’s our Remus. Never think something nasty about anybody else when you can think it about yourself.

Did you know that you were the first genuinely nice person I had ever met? The first person that always tried to do the right thing no matter what the consequences. We ignored totally the lessons you taught us — until a near disaster drove them into our thick, arrogant skulls.

The greatest lesson we learned from you, Remus, was the one about unconditional love. Thank you, my friend. From both James and I.

I’ve got to get moving soon. I’ll visit Remus, but I definitely won’t stay. I have somewhere I can go to. And if Dumbledore wants to use it, then I have no objection.

Personally I hate the place, but I’m not going to put Remus to any more hardship. Things for him are worse than ever now; I suspect that the only thing keeping him alive is Snape. Dumbledore said that he continues to take the Wolfsbane potion to him, and more. He said that Snape takes food as well as companionship, saying that it would be tossed out otherwise.

I wonder if you really believe that. You and Snape are the only vegetarians I know, and I can’t believe that the school has leftovers of the stuff you like to eat. Are you friends again? I hope so. You need all the friends around you that you can get. Are you more? God, I hope not.

I’m hard with the wanting of you. The imagining you and Snape together, wishing it could be me. Of course, I have no evidence that Snape even thinks of you like that. No evidence that you even think like that.

Apart from one kiss. One wonderful, magnificent soul-destroying kiss.

James and Lily’s wedding. You and I got roaring drunk. The only two there without a female partner. Even bloody Peter had a girl with him.

Of course, you were generally too shy to pick up girls successfully, and I always went for quantity rather than quality. Hardly the types you would take to your best friend’s wedding.

Especially since I was best man.

And so we got drunk, toasting the health of the bride and groom. It was only after they left for their honeymoon that we started on one of those soul-searching talks that one always indulges in when drunk.

The night sky was glorious, clear and beautiful. There was no moon, which you liked just fine. We were alone, gazing at the sky, and you had headed off on one of your deep philosophical thoughts that always left me floundering.

I didn’t care. I just liked hearing your voice.

I remembered leaning over and brushing my lips against yours, the taste of you burning away the alcohol I had consumed. Setting my blood on fire and my heart pounding.

I remember your start of surprise, you pulling away, and I pulled away as well, disappointed and yet somehow pleased at the same time.

I had never kissed another male before, and thought I would probably never do so again.

Then I felt your fingers brush my arm, feather light. If I hadn’t been burning from your touch, I would probably never have felt it. But it was there. I looked at you and saw your eyes.

Damn your eyes, Remus. They always have been the most expressive things about you. Your friends always knew to look for the correct answer in your eyes, not your face.

I looked now. They were brimming over with lust, with love. All directed at me. One Sirius Black, who had, until now, confined himself to females. And now all I wanted was you.

I can never remember who reached for who first. All I do remember is we kissed. I remember two thoughts most clearly. The first was that I was kissing Remus Lupin, one of my best friends. The second was that it was the most wonderful kiss I had ever experienced. You tasted even better than on my first clumsy attempt. I remember drawing your tongue into my mouth and sucking hard, remember wishing it was your cock.

That was a shock, I can tell you. But I wanted you. More than anything else in the world, I wanted to make love to you.

I remember hearing moaning, and realizing that it was not just you. It was me. I remember my hands roaming over your body, touching stroking. Slipping inside your shirt, I always keep forgetting just how muscular you are. That wiry frame hides surprising strength.

Your hands were roaming as much as mine were, and to great effect as well.

Who knows what might have happened next if we had not been interrupted by Peter calling for us.

I wish he hadn’t. I wish he had stayed bloody away. I can’t help but feel that if he had not interrupted us, my whole life would have been different.

I’ll never know why I felt embarrassed at that time. Why I avoided you. Why I refused to run with you again at full moon.

I know I hurt you, and I would have understood if you could not forgive me.

I had no idea what you were involved in at the time. For me , I had not yet grown up and still tended to look at the world as black and white. You saw the shades of grey.

By the time I saw you at Harry’s christening, I was engaged to a girl I had met. I pretended to you that our kiss had never happened.

Again, I could see your hurt.

That girl was never the one I loved. She knew it and broke it off several weeks later. She claimed that she could not compete with my friends.

I wonder if she saw the lust in our eyes? It wasn’t until I looked at photographs of that day that I realized what it was in our eyes as we looked sideways at each other.

By that time, you were traveling and we all suspected you of being a spy. You were, of course, but not how we thought. When you were back, I avoided you. Avoided speaking to you.

And then it was too late.

Which brings us to now.
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And Now There's You