Click Here!

Reviews for Grape Juice *Complete*

By : Desert_Sea
  • From ANON - Chea on February 23, 2016
    I'm not sure what it is but Draco is the character I love to hate. This chapter was perfect! Can't wait to read Severus' reaction. The way his rational mind talks back to him is so real. I find my own mind thinks the same and it makes it easier to place facial expressions with the thoughts. For example, when Draco was leaning in and the "headbut" thought zoomed through...there was a sky high eyebrow,a slight grimace, and a slow lean back away from the culprit. Lol.
    Side note- thank you for the touch back. It means a lot to me that you read my reviews even though they are not always critical or correcting. I just like to let you know what I enjoyed in each story. I've only reviewed a few stories. Two of the three were already completed but I still wanted the author to know I enjoyed it. Keep up the great work. Can't wait to read more.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - lovey_reader on February 23, 2016
    OMG! What? WHAT!!!! Shut the front door! This was the bestest chapter EVER!
    'Smarmy fuck' - bestest word gem.
    First of all, that fantasy was so HOT. Mmmmm....yummy.
    Then Draco wanking off in a pub while Snape is telling him of that fantasy even hotter.
    But seriously, you are a genius. That ending was so epic, I have no words. It was AWESOME! It was her the whole time?! Like I said before you ARE brilliant! These waldos are absolutely bloody fantastic.
    Until next time....
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Chea on February 22, 2016
    Where to begin??!! Love your story so far. I was a little iffy about Snape in drag but I kept reading and then I was hooked. Somewhere around Snape slapping his hand down like a Greco-Roman wrestler afraid to turn over. LOL!!! Then the most innocent line ever..."What sort of hand cream do you use?" OMG. Hilarious. I love the way your story can meld humor and serious subjects together. Cause let's face it, either Hermione knows or she has some issues herself with almost being a little "rapey" humping a "lady" that she's only met with a few times and the person never talks, she's never seen her face, and surprise suddenly has a penis! I think your doing a great job with this story. I can't wait to read more.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Chea on February 22, 2016
    Where to begin??!! Love your story so far. I was a little iffy about Snape in drag but I kept reading and then I was hooked. Somewhere around Snape slapping his hand down like a Greco-Roman wrestler afraid to turn over. LOL!!! Then the most innocent line ever..."What sort of hand cream do you use?" OMG. Hilarious. I love the way your story can meld humor and serious subjects together. Cause let's face it, either Hermione knows or she has some issues herself with almost being a little "rapey" humping a "lady" that she's only met with a few times and the person never talks, she's never seen her face, and surprise suddenly has a penis! I think your doing a great job with this story. I can't wait to read more.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - lovey_reader on February 21, 2016
    Holly hell that was HOT!!! Those were some waldos!!! I'm sure once everyone calms down there's gonna be some questions. Oh Severus you've got some 'splaining to do! I can't wait until the next chapter.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Anon for now on February 21, 2016
    Some clarification is needed: I have spent most of the last 7 years on career and husband, in that order. I came back to the site around the time you started The Quickening. Been out of the loop for a while. I might've made an undignified happy sound when I saw you answered me. As a final aside before, you know, the actual review--I have sent an email to support to see if my pen name can be resurrected but I remember literally none of my log on info other than that. Eventually I will have one, even if it's not the one I started out with, hence the name I'm reviewing under. (I was never that fond of my original pen name, which is what happens, I suppose, when you leave decisions like that up to random word generators.)

    Anyway, this chapter. Wow. Weirdest smut I've ever read. Like I didn't think it could make me laugh out loud, and you have challenged my preconceived notions. Also I seriously love this Hermione. She's perfect. So your writing is incredible. I usually have to read a chapter more than once in order to catch all the detail.

    So Severus has gotten in Hermione's pants, BUT she still doesn't know who he is. This will be interesting to read. Is it going to freak her out and be big drama? I get the feeling that she's pretty accepting and that she'll just go with the flow, knowing what it's like to be rejected because of who you are--thanks to your set up vis a vis the relayed discussion with Ginny. Would like to see her discuss that more in depth, in a situation where he would actually kinda speak. Maybe not too much though since we've seen how much she appreciates it when he just listens.
    Report Review

  • From OracleObscured on February 21, 2016
    Godammit, you're fast! I got like half a page of my new story written yesterday. Maybe I'll be more inspired today.
    Great beginning to this chapter. Lovely trickiness.
    "...without his mind needing to snap-kick him in the balls?"—Hahahahaha!
    "There was a certain cock within earshot that might take that as an invitation to jump into any one of her orifices and shake itself up until it exploded."—Oh god, that was great.
    "Even as his cock nodded its head, Severus shook his."—Shit. I just snorted my sinuses clear.
    "popping up like a whac-a-mole "—Bwhahahahaha! Perfect.
    "He couldn’t stoop any lower if he had had his nuts stapled to his nipples."—Self-depreciation at its most hilarious.
    "If she revealed a wart on her elbow he would probably spray his stockings." You're killing me.
    "Drive her nuts? He was pretty sure that had already happened. Although in no position, himself, to comment on creepiness, he suddenly had an urgent need to check the stove to see whether she happened to have any bunnies on the boil."—This might be my favorite line. I like the whole selection, but the fatal attraction bunny boiling was masterful.
    "They were both punishing themselves with their obsessions, struggling to maintain relationships and clinging to delusions to, ironically, keep sane."—And you say I'm the one who uses universal truths. You've done it several times in this story/chapter.
    "That it is there, somewhere, in the detail. The finest of detail. And if I can only look hard enough. Be open enough. I will be gifted the secrets. I will see them. And capture them.”—Gee, I don't know anyone like this (cough-DS-cough).
    "Straddling his waist, she quickly wiped her damp face with her hands."—WTF, Hermione's an art-crazed rapist. But I'm not too far off, so no judgement from me :)
    "Fuck. She must have been studying sex like it was her N.E.W.T.s."—That's how you get lots of Os. (Bu-dum ching!)
    "..cranking the blood back into it with each stroke until it was fully engorged and her lips were stretched wide"—Loved this description. Cranking was an excellent word choice.
    "...wishing he could lick the arousal right out of her. Admittedly, that would be difficult through a veil."—Hot and hilarious.
    "He continued his heavily lubricated pistoning, their juices melting together around him, until he was drained."—Grape Juice (blending...I get it now).
    "...desperately clinging on to unreality."—Don't we all.
    Your insanity is addicting. Can't wait for the next chapter.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - LeWyKi on February 21, 2016
    Oh well, I admit defeat. On day a week for leisure reading must be allowed. And haven't you been buisy this week? I read the first chapter and just thought, hilarious idea! Second and thrid reminded me of that scene from Wicked "Oh, that's my sister. She's tragically beautiful. And I'm the beautifully tragic one." Then I came to the (currently) last chapter and the world just turned upside down. Now we're at "Alice in Wonderland"-bizarre moments. Really, it gets "Curioser and curioser". Not complaining, but it begs the question just how far this will go without her knowing his identity. Taking her natural curiosity into account, I'd say, not very far. Still, as much as I never would have guessed this as your next theme, I find this one rather enjoyable to read. :)
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Anon for now on February 20, 2016
    Well, I hope you're happy. I'm breaking 7-8 years of silence on this site to write a review. O-M-G this is hands-down the most insane story ever. I literally cannot wait for the next chapter--your writing is so much fun. I can't wait to see how he gets himself out of this one.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Bournespeed on February 20, 2016
    Excuse my English but I'm pissing myself laughing, that was hilarious.
    Report Review

  • From OracleObscured on February 20, 2016
    Great chapter. Hilarious. Made my morning.
    “They’d have to go shopping in London, instead.”—Hahahaha! (BTW, you don’t need that comma there.)
    “Well, he’d made the mistake of thinking that he could get away with wearing nothing underneath them and currently felt himself uncomfortably cocooned, like a slug in a web.”—This is hilarious (and slightly disgusting). I love it. :)
    “It’s a guy from work,” she continued, “he’s asked me out dozens of times…”—Switch that comma after continued for a period (and then capitalize he’s). There’s a whole lotta commas going on in this sentence.
    “It’s a guy from work,” she continued, “he’s asked me out dozens of times and I’ve always said no but,” she sighed, “I figured I wasn’t getting any younger and, you know, he has a good job and, well, I thought ‘What have I got to lose?’”—NO, Hermione! Don’t go out with the guy from work. Grape Snape needs a date.
    “toppling”—word notebook. (And now I can’t stop saying topple.)
    “Hermione nodded, excitedly”—Unnecessary comma.
    “…she took in the tall, veiled woman that the pretty young girl was clutching like a security blanket.”— I love this description.
    “The other advantage of the dark veil was that Severus could roll his eyes at will”—Snort! I need a veil.
    “Merlin’s syphilitic scrotum!”—Double snort.
    ‘And Mrs Grape what the fuck is that in your pants?’—Bahahahahaha!
    Oh god. The dressing room. I’m already laughing before anything has even happened.
    “…clutch purse which he now positioned, strategically, over his lap.”—Accessories make the man.
    “jiggling like creamy bowls of panna cotta”—Excellent. (I’m so bad at food comparisons since I never eat anything interesting.)
    “jostled around like a netted animal, trying to escape. Perhaps in the future he might need to consider transfiguring some sort of cock corset?”—Snape Spanx.
    “She could wear anything or nothing. Preferably nothing. But that was only the opinion of a grizzled old pervy professor and not the young man that she was looking to date.”—I loved all of this.
    “It looked like a masked bandit, about to commit a break and enter. He knew exactly who he would prefer to be breaking and entering but would have to be satisfied with a quick ‘hijacking’.”—Oh shit! Hahahahaha!
    “as his head pitched forward”—Waldo.
    Bwhahahahaha! I was reading the snot-jaculate scene too fast to take notes. (Did you sneeze, or are you just happy to see me?)
    “Snot, come, whatever, he was going.”—Yay! Studio time with Snape. Tasty.
    As always, looking forward to the next chapter.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - lovey_reader on February 20, 2016
    "Merlins syphilis scrotum" - best word gem ever! Love it.
    Love the inner monologue. Especially the big bad wolf.
    Can this whole dressing room scene be even more funny and sad at the same time? He's stuck watching her dress/undress and he's so aroused that he has to walk off. She cleans up after him thinking he just sneezed. Omg how hilarious is that! And now she wants to take him home to take care him.
    Ummm but seriously, how utterly clueless can Hermione be right now? They've been out like 3 times and it never occurred to her that somethings not right. Oh but I bet when she DOES find out, it's going to be EPIC.
    I can't wait for the next chapter.
    By the way, I love my where's wally/waldo. That made me laugh so hard.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Anon on February 20, 2016
    Yoooo, I don't even know what to say. That dressing room scene made me want to laugh and die of humiliation at the same time. There were some lines that were brilliant, like when you compared Severus's cock in the stockings to a masked bandit, but I think I'm too in shock to pick out any more. The last paragraph/line were of course also great. I have had the same problem many times where my rational mind thought I was an idiot and threatened to leave completely. Severus's rational mind is my favorite part of this story so far, it's fighting him so hard.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Anon on February 20, 2016
    I tried a new thing. I wrote down my thoughts as I read rather than just reading through and reviewing when I was done.
    I was seriously cracking up at that first paragraph! You've got a real talent of drawing readers in with just a few lines.
    Again laughing at "Then he remembered. He'd run into Neville Longbottom's face."
    I liked the part about Hermione's touchiness and painting. It made me think, connecting the tactility of her art to her touching people. What similar associations can I make in my own life? Hmm.
    I think I'm liking where this story is heading. It's both funny and sad though, that Severus is dressing up as a woman to go see Hermione. And I love the internal monologue. It's always enjoyable to listen to a character curse themselves for a stupid decision while they're in the act.
    "He'd said one word to her-- 'Grape'." I smiled because I didn't realize that he literally only said the one word. Then I laughed because I remember his thoughts afterwards, cursing himself for using a rhyming fruit.
    I keep waiting for her to notice that he is not a woman. Imagine her surprise when the woman she thinks she's befriended is actually a man in a skirt, and her old professor to boot. Or on the flip side, his mortification and humiliation when he's revealed and she realizes her old professor has been cross-dressing to spend time with her. OR she already knows and he's shocked when he is revealed and she just smiles because she's known all along. Help, I'm thinking too hard.
    I'm still confused as to how Hermione still doesn't recognize Snape. I'd like to think that if Alan Rickman/Severus Snape ever spoke one word to me (even if I couldn't see his face), I'd know it was him. Especially if he was my teacher for six years or so! She's sober and he's a grown ass man in a skirt with a deep (familiar!) voice and beautiful hands (that she spent a lot of time looking at). She should at least be suspicious.
    Report Review

  • From OracleObscured on February 18, 2016
    Bahahahaha! I can’t “Where’s Waldo” while I’m reading about Snape’s balls. I’m too distracted.
    I really liked this chapter. Poor lonely Snape—drowning his sorrow in fire whisky and his right hand. He needs painter-Hermione to loosen his up (and give his wrist a break).
    Favorites this chapter:
    “…when he opened one bleary eye to see it staring up at him, he began wishing that he felt even a fraction as perky.”—I loved this. Funny and relatable (even if I don’t have a dick).
    “…now had a possessed bludger thumping around inside his skull, and a tongue that felt and tasted like a fungus had taken hold.”—Great descriptions.
    “flog the flobberworm”—Hahahahaha!
    “knob-rot potion”—Love it.
    -I think you mean sterling rather than stirling.-
    “bushy-haired babbler” Lovely alliteration and description.
    “Like her fingernails, caked with the memories of paintings past.”—This was a great visual.
    “He wondered, then, if he had ever genuinely smiled in his entire life. And if he would ever, truly, smile again.”—Mmmmm, tasty foreshadowing.
    “His pearls were rattling.”—Perfect and hilarious.
    “…skating around on the thin soles with rain sloshing in on every step.”—All men should have to run around in women’s shoes (and clothes) for a few years to discover for themselves all the little joys that go with the trappings.
    “…her riotous hair a perfect barometer for the wild weather”—This was great. The comparison and the visual.
    “…her skin painted with flickering hues that cast her in a thousand different frames, shadows, contours and angles. She was a moving work of art . . . And he was a cross-dressing old perv. His heart sank and his chest ached every time reality decided to take a dump in his skirted lap.”—There was a lot I liked about this part. I liked the imagery of the movie on her skin. I liked the stark hilarity of “cross-dressing old perv.” And I liked the heartbreakingly bleak (but funny) honesty of life taking a dump in his skirted lap.
    “Something about a cat, or a cup of tea, or sensible shoes . . . “—I hear vaginal dryness is a complaint of the older woman.
    “…or perhaps some sort of dainty swamp weed.”—Hahahaha!
    “freewheeling mop,”—Marvelous.
    “There was a pile of forks on a bench nearby.”—Snort. Death by fork is painfully slow.
    “So relaxed that he was looking to puncture himself into a pulp so that he didn’t need to open his mouth.”—I like this contrast. Funny and relatable. 
    “Was this another fork stabbing opportunity? Or did he just need to tear out the door, leaving one of his stupid flats behind like Cinderella’s ugly step sister.”—The first part made me laugh, and the second part was a wonderful parallel.
    “as her head pitched forward.”—Found it. :)
    “I think I’m obsessed with your hands,” she moaned.”—Me too, honey. Me too.
    “…as his burnt tongue turned unpleasantly fat and floury.”—I liked this whole part, but this line was a great connection for the reader. (Who hasn’t done the same thing?) We’re made to feel the events right along with him.
    “The Grape getaway.”—Love this ending.
    I can’t wait to see where this goes next. You’ve sucked me in again.
    Report Review

T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!