Forbidden Rapture

BY : Marionne25
Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione
Dragon prints: 40713
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and am not making money from this story.

Author's Notes:

It is precisely 3.15am of 1st, March 2018 at my end of the world as I write this author’s note.

This is possibly my longest chapter ever.

I have been sitting my arse in this 24hours café for about three hours, finalizing things for this chapter that I have been trying to write and complete for the past weeks or maybe months.
I apologize for the LONG hiatus for this story – I’m sure you know and see that I’m alive and keep on posting on my other stories, updating their chapters or just chatting up everyone on the inbox and all that but not posting a chapter for this story.
Why?
Because I feel burdened and emotional as we near the lasts of this story.
I’ve been writing this for more than a year, close to my last months and years at the conservatory and it’s actually going to be a year now on June since graduation day.
I feel so attached with this story and very emotional into writing each chapter.
But there is a burden, a heavy and emotional turmoil upon writing this one which I’m sure, as a reader, you would come to understand later once you read it.
I have read each and every bit of review from all the sites I’ve posted this (aff.net, a03, fanfict.net) and I am more than grateful to the reception, the reviews, the love and messages from all of you.
As of the moment, things at home are still going downhill, but I believe I am way more mature into handling things and controlling myself out of every bit of turmoil at home and focusing only what is good for my soul.
Writing and music have always been my outlets but there is always something in writing that will always be closer to my heart in a way or two.
I wouldn’t take long on this message as I want you guys to feast your eyes on the chapter that will bring us one step closer to the end.
Again, I have read all your reviews and notes and messages and am always grateful for all the love you’ve given. I will always look forward for more.
Once I click upload chapter, I know that this chapter – I have had a hard time writing in tears and at the ungodly hours for days, nights, weeks and months – will be shared out there into the world and may make you feel heavily burdened the way it made me feel when I wrote it all down.
I am still in tears.
I hope you find it in your heart to embrace all that is good and bad with the last few chapters of my story.
I will be waiting for all the words, comments, love and queries about it and try to answer all of them as much as I could.
For now, I’m just happy that it’s finally my birthmonth and birthday in a few days!!!

Lots of love
xx

PS
"Hiraeth" is included into the list of 'beautiful and rare' words I've always kept a lit on from books and online thins.
I will not be explaining its definition as I want you to feel first what it means before coming across it. =)

I felt like writing this and clicking upload would be like making you feel the same burden that the characters, that I felt upon writing it.
xx

 

 

 

 

Chapter Sixty Nine

Hiraeth

 

 

 

His tears cascaded heavily down his pale and bony cheeks.

Age has caught up with him as well as all the truth that was painfully engraving in his chest.

He stared back at her with eyes filled with regret and sorrow and with no visible sign that he recognized her.

“I am here, I am here..” Hermione whispered back as her hands moved at either side of his cheeks in her attempt to wipe his tears away. “Severus.. I am here.”

She held him close with both hands gently placed at either side of his bony and pale cheeks.

He held no recognition of her.

 

Had they come too late?

 

“Draco-“ Hermione called out again in a restrained whisper in her fear of them being heard and caught. “Draco, what’s wrong with him?”

Hermione stared back at Snape but he did not even seem to understand that there were other people in the cell with him.

He stared back at her with such madness in his eyes that gave proof to Hermione that he had indeed been long enough at Azkaban, holding up his feelings and his mind until the last day of the trial.

But he didn’t quite make it anymore.

Severus Snape was a trained, capable and strong wizard.

It would take time to break him in or get through his mind.  

 

And unfortunately for him, all of it had come crashing to him in one big blow at the night hours before his penalty.

But it was still obviously at the eve of Hermione’s wedding and his knowledge of it that became his downfall.

He had loved her so much, he had loved her truly despite it all.

Snape knew he couldn’t give her the life she deserved and it consumed him deep inside, creating a hollow place for the darkness and madness of Azkaban to finally tear him apart as these thoughts got through the strong barriers of his mind and soul.

Tears began to spill from Hermione eyes but she tried to be strong – she couldn’t give up now, not tonight when she wanted to talk to him for the last time, when she wanted to give him her last goodbye.

 

“Severus.. please.. please.. Can you not hear me?” Hermione whispered as she gasped in between her tears and held the man who held her after all this time.

His black eyes moved from her then at the surroundings as he continued to whim per in fear, agony and regret while whispering all his regrets.

He was muttering nonstop, whispering her name and begging for forgiveness.

“Draco..” Hermione cried out now uncaring if her voice echoed along the cell. “Draco.. what’s going on.. why couldn’t he.. please..”

Draco returned to the room with his wand in his hand and stared from her then at Snape.

He moved closer and slowly knelt down next to Hermione to take a closer look at Snape.

It doesn’t take a genius for an ex-Death Eater like himself and one trained by a father and a mad aunt for him to understand what was going on.

His eyes stared at Snape then at Hermione who was staring desperately and hopefully back up at him as if he could do something about the situation.

Draco stared at his godfather’s almost empty black eyes – he had never seen him that weak nor defeated.

“It’s consuming him.” Draco whispered as he lifted a hand across his cheek and temple to trace the veins and bloodline. “The truth has dawned upon him.. it has weakened him immensely. He’s given up and the magic and energy of this place has sensed that and now it’s taking him.”

“Taken him?” Hermione asked stricken at the thought. “What do you mean – but he hasn’t been Kissed – the Dementors they’re not even – What do you mean he’s given up?” Hermione repeated pushing Draco away from Snape and resuming her close proximity before Snape.

Draco stared down at her not knowing what to do as he had never seen her this desperate or afraid before.

“He has accepted his fate here.” Draco whispered staring back at Snape’s anguished form. “And by doing so, he has lowered all his defenses – weakening his mind and thus weakening his body-“

“He can’t give up on me!” Hermione angrily screamed slapping Snape’s face gently as if it would wake him out of the state. “He made a promise – he promised me – we would – Draco, please.. do something.. anything!”

 

But Draco was unsure if he could still be revived out of that state.

Most wizards were defeated by the consuming madness that littered the grounds of Azkaban.

And if Snape had been holding himself against it for so long, a sudden hole in his raw emotions would immensely damage him in one heavy blow.

Draco shook his head, trying not to shed the tears forming in his eyes to not scare Hermione further.

But he didn’t know what to do anymore.

He didn’t expect that he could save him but he expected that he could give atleast a closeure for him and Hermione before morning dawned upon all of them.

 

“Draco!” Hermione called at him turning back to Snape. “Severus… please.. Come back, come back to me.. I am here. I am here..”

But Snape’s features didn’t change.

He remained impassive with no useful sense in him anymore.

His eyes moved around the room, tears flowing down his cheeks and stopping and then back again as he recalls every now and then all the memories.

His fingers were gripping her hands back but without any purposed motor movement.

He held her simply because Hermione’s hands held him back when she didn’t touch his face.

Her voice echoed all across the empty and dark room.

Draco didn’t know what to do -  he couldn’t save him and now neither could he save her from this misery.

“Please.. Severus..” Hermione cried now at over his lap. “Wake up.. please.. Do you not love me.. do you not remember.. “

Draco clenched his fists as his heart ached at the sight of them both but more of the sight of Hermione in her desperate form on the ground.

He couldn’t look at her knowing he had failed her as they had come too late.

“Hermione-“

“Help him!” Hermione cried turning to him, “Do something please – please!”

But there was nothing else to be done there.

Draco heavily sighed, clearing the tears off his eyes with the back of his sleeves as he slowly and unsurely went down on his knees to take a closer look at Snape.

Black eyes met his and he could clearly see the life dying out of it and he wasn’t sure that it was ever coming back.

The knowledge of Hermione’s marriage to Harry had taken a great toll at the night before he was also sure that he would be taken hours later to be taken and be given his fate by the Wizengamot.

It were all too much for him that he had finally given up and succumb to the madness he had been battling for months now, now that he was sure that Hermione would be in a better place.

He had prepared and was prepared to end up in Azkaban.

But despite acceptance, he wasn’t prepared for a life without Hermione and Harry made sure that he dies and rots in Azkaban with the knowledge of it.

Draco stared at the man he had always looked up to growing up.

He had been more of a father than Lucius ever was to him – more caring, more lenient and most importantly even if he wasn’t loving he never laid a hand on Narcissa.

And if any, he always gave to the whims of the woman and Draco knew how persuasive Narcissa could be if she wanted to.

He was his godfather and despite of all their misgivings, he took care of Narcissa and for that, Draco would always be grateful enough to forgive him.

He was his favourite person in the entire world and there was nothing he wouldn’t due in the name of truth to save his life.

But tonight, no amount of galleons he has or truth they know of could possibly save Snape from this fate.

He had let go of everything in the knowledge that in hours, he would also lose all of it.

 

 

“Let me.” Draco whispered as he gently pushed Hermione away from him and pulled Snape’s arms to face him.

There was still life in there, somewhere and somehow but he wasn’t sure how to wake it or call it back.

“What’s going on?” Hermione croaked out even if she already knew herself what was going on.

She was in denial and having depended on Draco these past weeks, she was hoping he had an answer to it.

“Draco… please…”

“We have to get him out of here and fast.” Draco firmly said staring away from Snape and back at Hermione. “It’s this place. It’s consuming whatever little is left of him. He’s given up Hermione… he’s accepted his fate here and we could hardly fight that. We can try, but I can’t promise anything. He has made his choice.”

There was determination in his tone and by the looks in his eyes, Hermione knew that Draco would be willing to do just about anything at that moment to save Snape’s life.

Even if that meant they would have to break all the laws to break him out of Azkaban.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“But if the time comes…” her voice trailed from his side and into his senses. “..like the circumstance calls for it, you would do the right thing, yes?”

“Ofcourse I’d do the right thing.” Snape answered her for the nth time. “What kind of question is that?”

He closed the book he was reading and rolled over his stomach over the grassy rounds near the lake.

He looked up at her questioning green eyes and stared at the flare of her red hair.

“Don’t you trust me?” Snape asked Lily.

“I do.” Lily answered. “I’m only-“

“Making sure?” Snape interrupted her with a smile as he shook his head and turned his attention back over his book.

Lily kept staring at her, watching him read the Advance Making Potions Fifth Edition.

They had been studying very hard the past weeks for the upcoming O.W.L.s exam in two weeks and had been studying in between classes and every chance they both get even though they both know they’d pass it without difficulty anyway.

 

They were both very smart, both very useful for their respective houses and would both definitely have a good career in the future should fate be kind to both of them.

“I’ll always do the right thing, Lily.” Snape said closing the book this time and rolling his gaze back at her.

Black eyes met the green ones and Lily knew that he was tired of her talking to him about this kind of subject.

He was going to be a very intelligent man and he was a good man.

Only if she could ensure that people around him wont’ flock him and influence him out of that path.

“Are we going to practice the Charms list we have later?” she slowly asked him knowing that Lucius and his friends had asked him to meet after dinner.

“Yes.” Snape answered with a stark look over his eyes. “I already promised you that we’d do that.”

“So after dinner we would do it?”

“Yes.”

“Like right after dinner?” Lily asked him peering closely.

Snape looked up at her and it didn’t take his quick mind reading skills to know that she knew that Lucius had asked him to meet.

“Yes, Lily.” Snape quietly answered her sitting back and moving closer her.

He gently reached out for her hand and stared at her.

Lily stared back the worry fading from her eyes.

 

“I told Lucius and his friends that the exams are upcoming and I can’t miss a study session.” Snape told her with certain promise in his tone. “I told him that if he really wants me as a friend he’d understand that school comes first – above, before and beyond anything else.”

Lily’s eyes slowly relaxed and she returned the hand gesture of holding his hand into hers.

“You will always tell me the truth, right?” Lily asked him with a look of fear and hope in her eyes.

Snape nodded without a second thought.

“Always, Lily.” Snape answered with a small smile at her as he held her hand closer into his. “For as long as I can do what is right – I will always do it.”

“Always, Severus?” Lily asked her placing her hand across his cheek and gently keeping it there.

“Always.” Snape softly answered as he moved his lips into the palm of her hand and kissed it gently as he closed his eyes, wanting nothing but to freeze that moment in time and willing to do all his promises for and to her for the rest of his life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Summer 1997

“Are you really adamant enough to defy me?” Snape angrily asked Draco as the boy fell back over the green and black carpeted floor of the manor.

“I’m just tired.” Draco reasoned out as he got back on his knees holding his wand tightly in his hand.

“Tired?” Snape repeated with glinting eyes as he looked down at the boy and grabbed him by the collar of his clothes and pulled him straight up. “Potter and the rest of them aren’t resting, Draco.”

“I’m quite sure that’s what they’re also telling Potter.” Draco muttered under his breath. “I’m tired. I haven’t slept in days. I don’t know why I have to do this.”

“You will do this because your mother and I think that you need to learn to close your mind from things, from people that may attack you.”

“You’re not teaching me how!”

“Because you’re supposed to know how!” Snape angrily yelled back at him. “You’re a Slytherin. You should learn to control your emotions and all I see are memories and glimpses of things that you aren’t even supposed to be thinking of!”

 

 

Draco stared up at his godfather with all hatred running through his veins.

It was the summer after the rise of the Dark Lord and he had been spending the past three weeks gaining private lessons from his godfather about defending himself using both arts of magic and learning how to control his mind.

The Dark Lord has risen and things at home had drastically changed and Narcissa had taken matter into her own hands on what to do with Draco’s fate.

“I’m not thinking of anything-“

“Do not lie to me.” Snape spat at him. “I could see what you’re thinking, the things you dream of-“

“You can hardly control dreams. Can you?” Draco spat back at him. “If you’d allow me a Dreamless Potion-“

“That’s not a solution. The solution is controlling your mind. And bloody hell controlling yourself from thinking about that girl.”

Draco’s eyes shot back up at him.

 

Did he see that memory?

 

That thought?

 

Did he see her thinking and staring at her at the Yule Ball that had passed months ago?

“Were you tinkering in my head?” Draco asked him. “I’m going to tell father and mother – you’re only supposed to teach me, not do anything-“

“I’m not tinkering inside that head of yours.” Snape muttered holding his wand back at the ready. “There’s nothing relevant to see. Now, if you would just focus instead of sashaying into dreaming of that-“

“Fuck off! I’m not doing anything!” Draco angrily spat back holding his wand out. “And my head is private and every thought-“

“Then learn to defend it-“ Snape yelled at him wand at the ready. “Focus. Close your mind against anything that will try to get through it. Close it, Draco! Focus. Ready. LEGILIMENS!”

 

And before Draco could even comprehend it, a light shot out from Snape’s wand and hit him squarely and all thoughts in his head were penetrated by his godfather defenselessly and helplessly.

Draco screamed as memories, thoughts and flashes of things, of a girl he didn’t want Snape to see came across his mind.

He fought and fought hard to close his mind and ensure that if he couldn’t secure his thoughts against Snape, atleast he could secure his thoughts of her and memories of her inside his head before his godfather and mother figures out that he is slowly and hopelessly falling in love with Hermione Jean Granger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hermione had her mouth covered with her hand as Draco heaved Snape at the corner of the room while thinking of how the hell they were going to get Snape out of there.

The dark energy of the place was consuming his mind that was already at par as a decaying soul despite that he hasn’t been kissed – not if they could help it.

“Draco.. please help..” Hermione helplessly cried at the corner watching Draco sit him against the floor and by the wall while he took his wand out, pointing it over several parts and points of his body.

“His not responding to my magic.” Draco whispered with sweat trickling at the side of his face. “He should be responding to my magic-“

“But he’s alive?”

“He’s still in there.” Draco whispered with a dark look over his eyes. “He’s in there but I don’t know – I don’t understand-“

He laid Snape against the wall, straightening his legs and relaxing his arms on the side.

There was a blank look over his face and his eyes were staring out of nowhere and his thin lips seemed to be muttering something.

“What’s he saying?” Hermione asked kneeling next to them over the floor now Draco’s settled him.

“Gibberish, maybe.” Draco answered his wand pointing over his arms and emitting soft glowing lights. “I could feel the energy in this place – we should make this quick.”

“What do we do?” Hermione asked as she helped him settle against the corner of the cell.

“Mother taught me this spell.” Draco said. “Almost like Dark Magic.. it’s supposed to awaken him out of this-“

“But this is Azkaban – maybe this isn’t working here-“

“It’s got to work here.” Draco answered her determinedly. “This should really work.”

But there was no response from him and Hermione was getting impatient and worried by the moment.

“We don’t have enough time, Draco.” Hermione whispered staring deep into Snape’s eyes. “Let me try.”

Draco stared at her, reluctant to give his wand to Hermione.

Despite that he knew she was more than skilled, Snape was in a very delicate condition at the moment and Hermione’s magic and skills had obviously lost practice and may have waned a little – they don’t have the luxury for her to make a mistake.

“Draco, please.” Hermione whispered moving her eyes than at the boy and looking at him with certain seriousness in them.

“Hermione, you can’t make a mistake.” Draco warned her slowly handing her his wand. “We’re dealing with a type of magic here that can’t be easily reversed – and Severus is barely hanging in there.”

“I know.” Hermione said. “I wouldn’t do this if I had any other way. But I’ve got to try. Please trust me.”

“I trust you.” Draco clearly said handing her the wand fully. “Do as you have to. Let me guard by the door.”

Hermione stared at him but nodded nevertheless and halfway into standing up, Hermione suddenly grabbed Draco’s arm.

There was the sound of a clinking bottle in his pocket as he swayed from Hermione’s pull.

“What’s that?” Hermione asked, eyes narrowed over the inside pocket of his cloak.

“For drastic measures.” Draco simply replied as he straightened up and held her hand gently.

She looked up at him with narrowed brows.

 

For drastic measures?

Was he going to try and throw an explosive potion at the place should they have the need to run for their lives?

 

“Draco – are you going to-“

“Make this quick, Hermione. We shouldn’t stay longer than we should or else even our magic will decay down here.”

“Yes, right. I’m sorry.” Hermione muttered, nodding and wiping away her tears away and nodding as Draco moved away from her.

Hermione nodded at him and watched as he straightened himself up and walked to the door knowing he had nothing but bare arms to arm them and defend them should something happen.

Hermione sighed heavily, turning to Snape who was left with her at the corner of his own darkened cell.

She stared at his black eyes that were unrecognizable in its usual coldness – no, even the cold wasn’t there anymore.

 

It was close to being completely blank.

He had no recollection of anything and his mind was completely dysfunctional at that very moment.

She moved closer to this man she had been with for so long – the many years he held her down, kept her and imprisoned her even in her own denial – was now nothing more than a body with a soul that was almost non-existent anymore.

Her lips parted moving but she couldn’t find the right words to say; she couldn’t put enough thoughts together to be made into words.

 

“S-Severus?” her lips muttered in barely a whisper as she placed a shaking hand at the left side of his bony cheek. “Severus?”

Her eyes warmed with tears.

He had taken her life away and terribly wronged not only her but Harry as well – he had destroyed a lot more than they could think of.

But here, sitting across him at that very moment made a very heavy tug inside her chest – he was so alone in this dark place, almost beyond repair in his despair and dying state.

He had always been a strong man and could definitely save his own life and defend others whether by intellectual or physical means.

He was always able to do something about anything in order to keep things the way they should be.

And yet at that very moment, Severus Snape had never looked ever so helpless in his life.

 

 

“Severus?” Hermione clearly called out this time, touching either side of his cheeks with her hand.

There was no response.

His eyes remained unfocused from her and blank of any emotion.

She moved closer, filling in the gap between the two of them.

“I’m going to help you.” Hermione said knowing he wouldn’t hear nor understand anyway. “Severus, I’m still here.”

Hermione tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall down and she bent a little to pick up the wand from the floor to try and make a magic she has read herself from his library before.

She had never used it, but maybe, there was little of her strong magic before that was left in there.

 

But just as she was about to recall the wand movement of the spell and cast slowly to him, she felt Snape shift in his position.

Her eyes quickly moved to him and before she knew it, she was staring back into his black eyes.

Her mouth parted in surprise.

He was staring back at her – with all the life, the cold and the soul back in them.

Her hands shook as she felt his long and dry fingers trail and held both her wrists with a very weak hold.

The very moment their eyes met, she knew he was there – his soul was there and he absolutely recognized her still.

“Seve-“

“Go.” Snape’s husky, deep and broken voice croaked out heavily without breaking their eye-contact telling Hermione that he understood what was going on at that very moment. “Go, Hermione. You shouldn’t be here…I didn’t.. I didn’t save you…your life for nothing. L-Leave… Leave, me.. I beg you, leave me. I have nothing to give you..p-please….leave me be.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“No.” Snape spat at him. “Absolutely not. I will not allow this, Draco.”

“Allow it?” Draco said in a quiet voice but a tone that told Snape his godson’s impatience was present.

“You heard me. I wouldn’t allow this nonsense.” Snape angrily said turning away.

“Do you not understand?” Draco asked him in almost a mocking tone. “I’m not giving you any choice. We don’t have any choice. This is the only thing I can think of and this will work, I tell you. You don’t have a choice.”

A stark, a glint of a mixture of what looked like hatred and malice passed Snape’s eyes.

An utmost smile appeared at the side of his lips.

“What?” Draco asked, unamused.

“So very much… like your mother.” Snape whispered silkily and for a moment the old, tormenting and cold demeanor of his that tormented many students at Hogwarts returned. “Silly, demanding.. making me – no, forcing me – to do things. I have never seen such strong proof of Narcissa’s dark attributes in you. Who would have thought they were there after all.”

 

Draco didn’t say anything.

But his lips were pursing and his eyes were unblinking as if his cold glare will be able to cover up what he was really feeling at that very moment.

“Don’t deny it, Draco.” Snape told him. “I cannot believe the drastic changes in you. You are very much like Cissy, after all.”

“Yes.” Draco spat coldly as he moved closer him. “Some things change for the better. Now, hand it over because it will take some time to make it.”

Snape then returned to his passive state.

He shook his head and the glow of defeat began in his eyes that made Draco feel worse by the moment.

Snape stared back at him with a very slightly raised brow telling his godson that despite their circumstance, he still had the last say on the matter.

“You are foolish.” Snape muttered. “Very much like your mother – demanding for the impossible.”

“I’m thinking outside of the box. It’ not like what I ask of you is impossible-“

“You are thinking outside of reason!” Snape suddenly spat at him, face going red in anger and fingers tightly clenched at his sides.

 

They stared hard at one another – either refusing to give up their stand.

And then Draco’s eyes slowly softened.

“Please.” Draco begged him without any hint of tremor of anger now. “Let me save your life.”

The Potions Master stared at him and then a small and slow smile appeared across his heavily-burdened features.

He closed his eyes and heavily sighed at Draco as if he was going to try to explain another lecture to Draco but as slow as he could possibly be for the boy before him to understand.

“I’m sorry, Draco.” Snape whispered to him with determination in his eyes. “I’m not going to do this. I refuse to be in any aid of Narcissa’s doing. Enough is already enough.”

“This is not my mother’s doing!” Draco exclaimed with desperation in his tone.“This is me – trying to save your life!”

“You can’t make me, Draco-“

“Don’t make me – “ Draco said in a restrained voice that told Snape he seemed to be at the verge of crying. “Don’t - don’t make me force it out of you – you’re going to get hurt, I tell you-“

“I’m sorry, Draco.” Snape calmly said his black eyes returning to meet Draco’s. “You can’t make me do this. I won’t do this.”

Draco made a step forward, fists also tight at his sides as he fought not to strangle his godfather.

“You don’t have a choice!” Draco angrily yelled at him as he crossed to the other side of the table and grabbed Snape forcibly by the collar of his dangly and tattered Azkaban clothes.

“Look at me!” Draco angrily yelled at him. “I’m not giving you a goddamn choice! You are going to do this – whether you like it or not! You will goddamn give me what I want from you!”

Snape’s black and weary eyes moved to Draco’s features and Draco looked back with something that looked like a desperate plea.

 

“Please…” Draco begged him tears at the sides of his eyes. “Please let me save you.”

Snape gave him a nod and what was an unmistakable smile appeared at the side of his lips.

“I have allowed you and your mother with so many whims, requests, favors – but this isn’t something I will tolerate further, Draco. You came here to be denied this very request. I’m sorry. Not this one, Draco. I would rather die.”

 

Something seems to break inside Draco and he looked back at his godfather as if accepting that he had nothing else and he could do nothing else but to go for a last resort.

Something dark and almost demented passed Draco’s eyes as all glow of warmth and humane vanished in them.

He gave his godfather a tight nod of his head.  

“As I’ve said, my mind has been made up.” Draco said standing up and straightening his suit. “Nobody needs to know. I will save your life – whether you like it or not.”  

Snape looked up at his godson and the way his elegant fingers moved around to close the buttons of his cloak.

“Draco, this is not something you can get out of.” Snape whispered at him gently touching Draco’s hands around his neck. “The cost of this is irreversible.”

“You think I don’t know?” Draco asked him with a devilish look in his eyes. “You think I don’t understand? You underestimate me. I am not a child.”

“You are not a child.” Snape interrupted him. “And that is exactly what Narcissa had feared all these years – that one day you would grow up – because that will make you act and think for yourself – have ideals that are far from what she or your father have got for you-“

“For me?” Draco interrupted in a mocking tone. “Or for them? Look at you – look where your loyalty for my mother has brought you to.”

Snape looked away and Draco knew that those words had hit him quite hard.

“Narcissa has always been my friend.” Snape simply told him. “I would do anything for her.”

“And did any of it do you any good?” Draco smirked at him. “We both know that nothing they ever decide upon or want is ever for others – it is always for themselves.”

Snape didn’t say anything and the defeat that passed his eyes told Draco that he had hit bullseye with that.

“I’m sorry.” Draco said as his grip around Snape slackened. “But I think it is time you hear it.”

 

He looked conflicted about everything and he wasn’t going down without a fight.

He wasn’t going to just abandon his godfather to this godforsaken fate for which his mother bestowed upon him out of her so-called love for a son.

“Do you think I’ll allow all this bullshit to happen?” Draco asked him in a mocking and cold tone. “Do you think I would stand down and give up a fight? No, thanks. I’m a Malfoy but I am a Black. I think you are forgetting that.”

“Your mother will not want this.”

“My mother is not around to agree or disagree with this.” Draco told him with the same glint in his eyes. “And if she was here, I don’t think she’d allow this to happen at all.”

“She knew this was a possibility.” Snape pointed out at him, finding a way out of what Draco wanted to happen.

“No.” Draco said. “I don’t think she ever thought that you would ever be found – therefore, the possibility you’re saying isn’t something she accounted for. She bagged that you will be away, gone for so long – gone forever.”

Snape didn’t say anything and Draco shook his head as words, thoughts and ideas were becoming one large piece inside his brilliant mind.

“She bagged that you would be away – that you would be taken in forever by your desire and personal dreams in life that you would never ever return. And one little mistake she didn’t account for made all these happen – isn’t that right?”

 

Snape remained quiet and not meeting his gaze.

Draco smirked at him and nodded.

“She didn’t account for it that’s why we are all here. Something has changed, isn’t that right, godfather?”

“Stop it-“

“My mother forgot that you’re not my father nor are you like the others – easily corrupted, easily lulled into selfish and personal desires as payment for an ill-fate of life – no, I think my mother miscalculated that part of her plans.“

“BE QUIET-“

“No, let me correct that.” Draco said as his tone grew louder, more confident. “Nothing has changed. From the beginning, it was what you wanted to happen – perhaps a delay was served undesirably, but it had always been there – nothing has changed. You always knew what was right and always knew that you’d do it at the very end-“

“STOP IT! STOP IT!” Snape angrily yelled at him. “YOU DON’T KNOW – YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND-“  

 

Draco let him go with a satisfied look over his face.

“You always had a plan and thought my mother could make it all a little easier. Had you known that things would go down the train, I’m sure you would never have agreed in the first place-“

“What’s done is done.” Snape interrupted him. “And Hermione’s life was the priority at the time.”

“I will never know how or why you really did it but you did it. That’s why we are all here.” Draco softly muttered at him. “After all these years, after everything that has taken place – you are still you and you let that character in you grow and come out at the time you thought you should make that make or break decision.”

Snape pushed himself away from his godson, turning as far from him and avoiding his gaze but Draco was insistent and stubborn.

He followed him, eyes consumed with his desire to get what he wanted from the man.

“It took me a while.. Bloody hell, as humiliating as this may sound, I couldn’t believe that I didn’t see it in the first place.”

“Stop it, Draco-“

“No, you have to hear what it is that we both know already. It had always been there in front of everybody, isn’t that right?.”

“Stop it, Draco!”

“Foolish government, stupid Aurors – and they call themselves the Order – are you seriously kidding me? It was there all along but their pride and their jumping into conclusion made them blind – how could they miss it? Well, I had to be honest it took me a while to immediately see it but it had always been there- “

“Quite as observant as ever.”

“I always observed.” Draco told him truthfully. “I’ve always been quiet but I am always just observing. I’m not like Hermione – raising her hand, asking things nor like Potter asking around – no, I was always the quiet one behind. I didn’t want the world to know what’s in my head and it helps me to think faster, to understand better.”

Snape didn’t say anything.

These were precisely Draco’s attributes at most of his classes.

He wouldn’t usually ask or ask for help; he’d do things quietly and in his way.

“It was there from day one.” Draco quietly said. “The very moment that Hermione was rescued, all the evidences had been there.”

“This has nowhere to go, Draco.”

“No, I’m telling the goddamn truth.” Draco spat back at him. “It had always been there, right from the beginning – but the world would always want some drama, jumping into conclusions, romanticizing things, joining bandwagons after another – and because of it, they all forgot to think, they all forgot to observe. I’ve almost fallen victim to all of it as well.”

“It’s too late, Draco. I will be sentenced soon and it will be better for all of us if you accept it.”

“I won’t.” Draco said. “Not until I can do something about it.”

“What do you want me to do?” Snape angrily yelled at him, eyes wide. “What do you want me to do, Draco?! What more of me do you want – I have given you, your mother the life you needed if not wanted – I’ve saved Hermione and I saved Potter’s life – what more do you want from me!”

 

Draco stared at his godfather that has finally lost it.

But he wasn’t going to stand down, back down or stand back at the truth he had figured out.

“You had a plan from the beginning.” Draco slowly said. “It was delayed because.. things happened that you didn’t account for – the curse of aunt Bella, the possibilities of it, the Death Eaters looking for her, mother’s whims and requests and ofcourse, let’s not forget about your feelings-“

“SILENCE, DRACO!” Snape yelled at him but instead of anger, there was remorse and fear in his eyes.

 

He had never looked so defeated, so regretful

He had done nothing but good in order to save Hermione’s life and thing still didn’t turn out the way it did.

“All those years, you’ve been battling, battling hard – what to do, how to bring her back, who to ask for help – no, don’t you dare deny all the good that had always been there in you. I know you and from the beginning you meant to bring her back. You’ve tried everything but failed because of the curse and of my mother who threatened you out of guilt for things – my mother threatened you should you decide to betray her and tell the others. How could I have not seen that-“

“Your mother is a woman of her word and honor.” Snape reasoned. “No matter what you say, she is your mother and Narcissa had been nothing but good-“

“How could you take her side after all of it?” Draco quietly asked him. “HOW?”

Snape didn’t answer.

He looked away from him, avoiding his gaze.

“I owe your mother my life.” Snape quietly replied. “And she is my friend. I would have died for her. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here arguing with you about it.”

“Oh, right that’s right. She saved your life – what was that? She supplied you a little camping house, supplies to last for weeks, months, years?”

Snape didn’t say anything.

His black eyes however told Draco that he was beyond surprised at all the knowledge that Draco now knew.

“Don’t look so surprised. You know I’m right.” Draco said shaking his head. “Would she die for you?” he asked in return.

Another silence fell.

“Oh wait, she did die. But not for you.”   

“You don’t understand-“ Snape struggled as Draco moved himself away from his godfather to take a better look at him as he struggled, as he cried right then and there. “It wasn’t easy – I had – you don’t understand it-“

 

All emotions of coldness or holding back were gone from his face.

He completely looked like a blank canvass in his very raw and vulnerable state.

“But the thing is, I do.” Draco said as he let him go and stared back at the guilt growing in his godfather’s eyes as tears came down from them. “I understand everything - very clearly even without words or truths laid before me. Took me a while to understand, to see everything, to put things together – but I’m not stupid and I can put the pieces back together.”

Snape didn’t say anything.

He looked away.

“That’s the small part of this whole grand scheme you still refuse to tell me.” Draco said and Snape not meeting his gaze told him that he was right. “I will not dwell on that part because that seems very irrelevant on how I will get you out. The important part is I will get you out of here.”

 

He looked back at Draco and at how much he has grown up and matured from the spoiled little brat he visited every Christmas vacation when he was not yet his student.

By the end of it, Draco stood before his godfather who sat before him over the table, fists clenched at either side of the long table and head down out of shame, guilt and the tears he was trying not to show Draco.

“I am offering you genuine help.” Draco whispered as his composure returned after a while. “There is no price to pay for this time, Severus. I offer you a kind of help that which differs from what my mother has offered you.”

“How you’ve grown up through these years, Draco.” Snape said and there was a light of something like proudness in his eyes. “How time flies..”

“Exactly.” Draco said interrupting his dreamy like state. “That’s why we need to hurry. So please.. just hand it over.”

He patiently waited as he watched his godfather comprehend things and battle the possibilities inside his head.

After a while, Snape then nodded at him.

Draco almost relaxed as Snape looked up at his godson.

And then the look of defeat grew in his eyes.

“I will not forget your offer, Draco.” Snape whispered back at him with a grateful smile. “But if you are determined to save my life, I will allow you only if there was another way. I am your godfather, Draco.”

“No, wait -“ Draco said and the fear grew back in his eyes again. “No, we – I will – Please..”

 

Snape gave him a very small encouraging smile.

“I’m sorry, Draco. I cannot do this.” Snape whispered. “Your safety and your life is my topmost priority before anything else – even before my life. My decision is final, Draco. I will not allow this.”  

Draco was silent.

And then a sound of great frustration came out from Draco and he pushed Snape back over his chair and buried his face in his hands, tugging along the fine strands of his hair as he moved away from Snape to avoid himself from striking at his own godfather.

“We are losing time!” Draco angrily yelled at him. “Please – just fucking hand it over to me!”

Snape only stared – at the frustration and desperation of his godson to save his life.

But it was too late and there was no other way.

And the way that Draco proposes wasn’t something he would agree upon – no matter what it had cost him, no matter if his life depended on it.

His life was long gone even before the ambush that night where he had taken Hermione.

His life had long been destroyed, decayed and gone to eternal turmoil – therefore, he had nothing to feel bad or sorry about.

 He had always wanted to go and both Lily and Hermione had been lights of hope in the suffering in his life that prolonged a life he had long ago wanted to leave.

“Please don’t force me to use this on you to get what I need.” Draco’s whisper interrupted his thoughts.

Snape looked back and stared as Draco slowly took out his wand from the inside of his traveling cloak.

He only stared back at Draco as if daring him to use it against him.  

 “It’s not what you would or would not allow.” Draco said and it was evident in his tone that Snape’s permission to allow him to do what he needed was no longer relevant. “Just give me what I need and I will work out on everything. Don’t you trust me?”

“Exactly my point.” Snape said as his tone told Draco that he still refused to give him what he wanted. “I trust you and I know that you can do this. And that’s what scares me.”

“But we would only do this should there be no other way.” Draco reasoned with him with a smile. “Only if we have to face drastic measures.”

 

His black eyes moved to him.

How much of Narcissa Black he could see in his own godson.

Lucius was intelligent and elegant but Narcissa was feisty, cunning and scheming – determined to kill if she had to.

And Draco was a breed of the both of their best attributes.

“Narcissa won’t be proud of you.” Snape told Draco. “She did everything to save your life.”

“She’ll be proud.” Draco assured him as he walked closer his godfather and opened his palm up to him. “If there was anything she didn’t want me to be was to be like my father – a coward.”

Snape stared at him and the open palm before him.

“Draco-“

“We both know you can’t die.” Draco said. “I’m here to make sure of that. Now trust me when I tell you that this will work.”

“Narcissa wouldn’t want this.” Snape said recoiling from Draco’s advances. “She fought very hard to keep you alive-“

“It is my life. I would do with it as I please.“

“Don’t let your mother’s death be of vain.”

“It wouldn’t be.” Draco said taking each turn of their conversation with a step forward from him and a backward from Snape. “She raised a good son as you called me.”

“Draco… Ten years of it.. Hermione and I paid for all of it.. please don’t let this happen.”

“I am letting this happen so I can repay the ten years you’ve lost… she’s lost.” Draco said and a tear fell in his determined and cold eyes for the first time. “Let me give you back what my mother has stolen from the both of you.”

“I don’t deserve this.” Snape said. “I don’t deserve a life.”

“Then it is as much as saying that I also very much do not deserve this life.”

 

Silence took place between them.

“As I’ve said, my mother isn’t here to burden either of us.” Draco whispered with a dark look over his eyes. “Please. Don’t make me beg further.”

“Draco.”

“Let me repay the life she has taken from you.” Draco whispered edging his hand closer to him. “Let me repay the life she’s stolen from Hermione because of her wrong beliefs in preserving life.”

“Everything had always been for you, Draco – to save your life. Don’t hate your mother by doing this. She’s done what any other mother would do for a son.”

“What any desperate mother would do for a son.” Draco corrected him. “I don’t hate my mother. I don’t. If any, I forgive her for everything. But my conscience cannot carry on with all these knowledge – I cannot live on carrying this inside my already heavy heart. Please let me help you so I can unburden myself from what she’s done. You help me, by letting me help you.”

 

 

Snape stared at him and suddenly as if some light came to him, he understood.

Draco wasn’t just doing this for him nor for Hermione.

Nor was he doing this to give revenge to his dead mother.

No, he was also doing this for himself.

 

The reality that has dawned upon his godson was eating him slowly and surely in the inside.

Snape turned to him and before he knew it, Draco had gotten down on his knees and stared up at him eyes gleaming with tears.

“Please, godfather.” Draco begged him clinging at the dirty ends of his Azkaban prisoner clothes. “Please let me right every wrong that has been done. The Malfoys had too much to ask from you and that has cost you.. your life.”

“Draco – don’t –“ Snape warned him trying to get his hands away from his by grabbing both his wrists tightly and staring down at him with such hatred in his eyes.

But Draco wasn’t to be intimidated any longer.

His eyes showed that he wanted this more than anything else in the world.

And if there was any, that was scared Snape deeply – not the idea that Draco wasn’t scared of him anymore – but the idea that he knew that Draco had already made his decisions and had made up his mind determinedly enough that he wasn’t going to leave that godforsaken cell until he gets what he wanted from his godfather.

 

 

Draco’s begging voice came again as his fingers tightened around the hems of his clothes.

All that was formal or mature and composed about Draco had vanished in a flash of that moment.

He was down on his knees, begging him of something with all his emotions raw and out onto the world – vulnerable and honest enough for his godfather to see beyond the façade he had been forcing himself into in order to protect and be the stronghold for Hermione.

“Let me do this, please.” Draco desperately cried, his voice echoing all throughout the darkened cell. “Please…This time, a Malfoy.. a Black asks of you again.. but at the cost of something else..” Draco looked up at him, his fingers tight at the end of his clothes as his knees painfully scratched against the stone floor of the cell. “Please.. please let me ask a favor in return that I repay everything that has been  

“She was your mother. It was her duty to protect you no matter the cost, no matter who it costs her at the process of it-“

“I cannot deal with it-“

“Learn to deal with it. You don’t know what she’s also been through – you don’t know what she’s done to save your life-“

“I don’t want to know.” Draco cried at him. “I don’t know if I can ever have enough courage to know everything but I know enough to tell what she has done will never be an excuse to gamble and steal a life of another-“

“Your mother just did what any mother would-“

“Please stop making excuses for her – she’s gone, she’s not here anymore – you are free – I can free you.”

“Draco –“ Snape whispered, black eyes meeting Draco’s tearful ones.

“I can no longer sleep – “ he desperately cried as fear grew in his eyes. “-the nightmares, the constant voices – I can hear everything in my head, I could almost see it all – please..”

 

Draco then fell back on the floor right at the end of his feet.

He watched with sorrow and burden as Draco cried in frustration, calling his name and begging him like he has never seen in his entire life.

“Please…” Draco desperately cried his voice echoing all over the cell. “..my conscience cannot carry on..  please unburden me of its pain. Please allow me to do this… please give me what I need so I can unburden all of us with what my mother has done.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There was a loud sound that echoed around the darkened cell and Snape fell back onto the floor with Hermione standing over him, arms outstretched.

The red at the side of his face marked her very hand and she stood over him with a shaking stance.

“L-Leave you?” Hermione repeated in a shaking tone just like her body. “Leave you?”

 

Snape’s weak and slow figure looked up at her and her eyes were burning with both fear and anger in them.

Her hand was still outstretched out towards him out of her shocked state at her own doing.

He looked away with heavy shame in his eyes.

Guilt quickly passed Hermione’s eyes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t..” Hermione whispered quickly getting closer back at him and trying to heave him out of the corner of the cell. “Come on now. I’ll help you.. Draco and I will- come now, Severus – we need to get you out of here-“

But Snape stopped her.

 

With the little strength he had, he gripped her by the wrist with his other hand and stopped her from forcing him out of the corner by the wall.

She looked back at him with panic-stricken tearful eyes.

“Come on.” Hermione said tugging at his hand. “Let me get you off the floor – there’s – we need to be quick, Draco and I barely have time – I’m getting you out of here-“

“No.” Snape’s deep and low tone said gaining Hermione’s full attention again.

He looked at her with question and defeat in his eyes but her determination was unwavering.

“We need to go.” Hermione said in a clear tone and loud tone.

“We both know that’s not what Draco and you agreed upon.” Snape clearly told her with a hint of fact in his tone.

 

She looked back at him with wonder in her eyes.

He was right because taking him out of the cell wasn’t really or exactly what she and Draco agreed upon. However, she thought that if she could get him out of there, Draco would certainly have no choice and would just agree in helping her get him out of Azkaban.

“Please.” Hermione begged him. “We need to – I need to get you out – if you will just cooperate and hurry-“

“Leave me, Hermione.” Snape whispered facing away from her and determined to receive her hateful stance.

“You are talking nonsense!” Hermione cried at him as her impatience grew because she knew that their time were running out. “Come on now – bloody hell, Sev! You’re wasting time – come get up on your feet! Get up from the floor – we need to go- I need to get you out of here-“

“I said, leave me be. There is nothing here we both can do.” Snape said and this seemed to gain Hermione’s attention. “We don’t belong to one another-“

“We can talk about that later.” Hermione angrily said perfectly annoyed now because the time was being wasted and they may be caught any moment.

“You don’t understand it, do you?” Snape quietly asked her. “As usual, you are going to do what you want based on facts that are only believed by you – you don’t understand- this will won’t work, a life with you will never work-“

“Why the bloody fuck are you fighting this?!” Hermione suddenly yelled letting him go and staring as she stood over him with her sweat and impatience worn clearly in her features.

“Why are you fighting this?!” Hermione demanded again as she moved forward again to grab him by the wrist. “You’re not helping – so just stay quiet and let me do everything just get up from the fucking floor-“

“I’m not fighting anything.” Snape said. “You are fighting for nothing.”

A gleam of pain and surprised passed her eyes

“What?” she asked him. “What did you say-“

 

Snape stared up at her as if contemplating if he should say what he wanted to say next.

 “Go.” Snape clearly said meeting her eyes. “Leave me alone. There is no life for us.”

Hermione stopped tugging as she stared at his hopeless form.

Her fingers slowly slipped away from him.

She let him go.

Silence.

And then after a moment, it was broken by Hermione’s heavy cry of frustration.

And then Snape felt her angry arms grab him from the corner, taking him by the collar of his clothes and then she hit him again.

 

Another slap in the face.

 

“Leave you?!” Hermione cried at him, wand still shaking in her hand. “Leave – just leave you – after it all, after everything – but I – I thought it was us – I thought – you said we’d always have one another- I don’t – I don’t understand-“

“You are intelligent.” Snape pointed out ignoring Hermione’s growing panic and fear at his denial and refusal to be rescued. “You understand this well enough. I have no life to offer you. Leave me, Hermione.”

“What?” Hermione asked him in heavy breathing as she struggled to cry. “What did you – how could you say that-“

“What I said was clear, Hermione. You have no place here. We have no place in this world. Leave me. There is nothing for us –“

And then another strike.

And another.

Snape didn’t move to protect himself nor did he make any gesture to shield himself from her attacks.

Snape let Hermione hit him with as much and as hard as her fists could lash out at him. .

“How could you say that?” Hermione asked him as her breathing became more labored and her eyes began to be heavy with tears. “How can you – I can’t – I won’t just abandon you here, I won’t let you die – I won’t let this-“

“You will leave me.” Snape whispered clearly without meeting her gaze. “You will leave me because I do not welcome your presence here. I don’t need you. I don’t.. I don’t want you.”

It felt like Hermione’s whole being just froze at those words as if ice-cold bucket was splashed over her head.

Her brains seemed to have jammed and she refuse to comprehend what she had just heard.

She felt like something heavy had been hit squarely over her chest and nothing was making sense in her head.

“What?” she asked with an utmost and constrained laugh shaking her head. “What did you – Sev, I’ll heal you – this place is doing things to you brain.” Hermione said as tears leaked at the side of her eyes at his words.

 

“I don’t want you.” Snape clearly repeated with an unblinking gaze.

“You’re talking nonsense!” Hermione angrily screamed at him. “This is – this place, it’s damaging your brain – you’re not thinking – you’re not – that’s why we need to get you out – please, I’ll help you recover out of this place – let me help you out of here- “

“I have a strong mind, Hermione.” Snape whispered back at her making sure their eye-contact doesn’t break. “We both know they can’t just break me in here. You know I’m telling the truth. I don’t want-“

“LIAR!” Hermione angrily said hitting him again. “That’s a lie – that’s not true – why would you say that – why would you – you’ve kept me alive, you’ve taken care of me – you took me in-“

“That does not matter any longer. That is of the past.”

“You’re talking nonsense- you never abandoned me, you took care of me – you’ve kept me-“

“I kept you and you know the reasons why. I have no hold on the same reasons any longer, therefore, you no longer matter to me-“

Another slap.

“Take that back.” Hermione wailed at him shaking her head. “You’re not thinking-“

“You have no place here and certainly no place with me.”

Hermione looked like her life was being burned right in front of her.

“We can talk about this later –“ Hermione said forcing her tears back. “Just come with me now-“

“You heard me.” Snape answered her in a dark tone. “I have nothing to offer you and you certainly don’t have anything to give me. There is no life for us. Abandon me, Miss Granger-“

 

Hermione blinked.

 

She took a step backward and stared down at him.

Miss Granger?” Hermione repeated with clear irritation, anger and insult in her tone. “What did you just-“

“I don’t need you.” Snape clearly said. “I don’t want you.”

Hermione shook her head in denial.

“No, you’re not – you’re not thinking clearly. Stop this, stop it...This is the influence of Azakaban.. of those – those Dementors -  Severus.. please stop this. We need to get you out. Let Draco and I help-“

“I don’t want your help.” Snape slowly said looking up at her. “I’ve got enough blood over my fate. And you’ve done enough damage to my life.”

The next words got stuck in Hermione’s throat that it took her a while to recover into speaking again.

“Damage?” Hermione repeated in a shaky voice. “Damage to your life?”

Snape broke their eye-contact – he looked away from her.

“What did you just say?” Hermione asked him. “I damaged your life?!”

“You were nothing but a burden.” Snape said with no sound of remorse in his tone. “I want to forget all of it as you should.”

“You want me to just – f-forget everything?!” she repeated with her hands at her sides ready to strike again.

Snape looked away from her, completely sitting still at the corner.

“Take that back!” Hermione angrily yelled at him. “Take that back!”

 

Snape remained quiet and still.  

Hermione suddenly fell back over her knees and began hitting him with both her bare hands, completely abandoning her wand over the floor.

“Take that back!” Hermione spat at him as she struggled to hit every part of him she could reach. “Take that back! Take that back you filthy – you scheming – I have given you – I’ve given you everything! EVERYTHING!”

But Snape remained quite passive and very still.

He let her hurt him in all the possible ways she could harm him at that moment without moving a single muscle to defend himself.

 

There was a loud sound and heavy footsteps.

Draco returned to the room looking at them both with wide eyes at the scene that was taking place.

What the hell is going on here?!” Draco’s alarmed voice came as he ran back into the cell and abandoned his post near the gateway of the cell.

His eyes widened upon seeing a seemingly helpless Snape against the corner while Hermione continued on attacking him at the point of killing his godfather.

“Hermione – Hermione, what the bloody hell are you doing?!” Draco shouted at her, quickly diving into the scene and grabbing her by the back of her arms.

But she struggled and she was damn strong as her anger was vent out right then and there.

“LET GO OF ME – LET GO OF ME YOU – LET GO OF ME MALFOY!” Hermione angrily yelled and this time, she was now kicking herself free from Draco’s grasp.

For a split moment, their eyes met and it was as if she didn’t recognize him.

Draco’s heart pounded as he stared at her struggling form, her angry yells and at Snape who did absolutely nothing to defend himself.

“Hermione calm down – please  - they’re going to hear us – what the hell is going on-“

He was absolutely confused because he knew that Hermione had been desperate into seeing Snape, into talking to him up this close.

He had seen her struggle and knew that she genuinely wanted to see him and she cared for him.

They agreed that tonight was something like a closure was to take place – not some murder.

He couldn’t understand what changed.

 “Take that back!” Hermione continuously yelled as she clawed her way to him trying to grasp and hit any part she could reach. “How could you – how could you say that – after it all, after all those years – after everything – after all you’ve asked me - you’ve asked me to do, after everything you’ve made me do – after all of it- I cannot leave you here to die!”

“You can and you will.” Snape simply muttered over her deafening yells at her. “Detach yourself from me.”

Instead of calming her, it only seemed to trigger more anger in Hermione.

She pulled him to him so she could reach and hit him closer.

Her fingers strangled to hit him hard over his chest, his arms but he didn’t give a single fight against it all.

“Detach myself?” Hermione repeated trying to clear her eyes from tears to see him clearly. “Detach – detach myself from you? What – what did you think – all of it was a game? What do – what do you think, this is some sort of class where we detach parts from one another? Where we detach – detach things we no longer need?”

 

He didn’t say anything, he only edged his face away from her and it looked nothing more like a passive agreement of her statement to him.

Hermione cried out again as she struggled to hit him one more time with her bare hands.

“Did you not…” Hermione quietly breathed out. “Did you not… love me?”

There was a shift in his breathing and his movement.

He looked away from her, refusing to answer.

It angered Hermione further.

“Did you not love me?” she asked in a clearer and louder tone. “Answer me!”

Her cries grew louder, more desperate while Snape remained silent.

“You told me.. you promised..” Hermione whispered struggling against Draco’s grip.

Snape only looked away, seemingly far out from all of it.

 

 “DID YOU NOT LOVE ME!” she loudly wailed the words so loud that even Draco could feel the pain in her heart at that moment.  

And yet, there came no response from Snape.

Hermione was losing her patience as much as she was losing it all.

“ANSWER ME!” Hermione demanded angrily, fists shaking at her sides. “ANSWER ME!”

Her cries of anger and desperation did nothing to make Snape respond.

He completely ignored her.

“LOOK AT ME YOU BLOODY COWARD!” Hermione yelled at his face as all anger, all frustration, desperation and every bit of memory and burden began coming back to her and heaving a heavy tug inside her chest.

 

Snape ignored her.

 

“LOOK AT ME – ANSWER ME YOU BLOODY FUCKING COWARD! NOW YOU WILL LEAVE ME?! NOW YOU WILL LEAVE ME – AFTER IT ALL – AFTER IT ALL - HOW COULD YOU-“

“Hermione, calm yourself down-“ Draco dived for them as Hermione was already murdering him with blows after another with her closed fists.

“No, you let me at him – let me-“

“What did you tell her?” Draco suddenly turned to his godfather but he refused to answer him.

“He told me to leave him!” Hermione angrily yelled kicking Snape this time as far as she could reach because Draco held her arms tightly behind her. “He told me that he is going to – he wants me to abandon him – Draco, he feels nothing – he feels nothing!”

Draco stared from her and at his godfather who was silent and unmoving again.

“There is not a life for the two of us.” Snape quietly said his head down to avoid meeting Draco’s questioning glare. “There is not a life for the two of us and she wouldn’t accept it. Miss Granger seems to be in a delusional state that she couldn’t accept reality.“

Hermione looked back at Draco with nothing but a pitiful glance as if she was begging him to rescue them both out of this, as if Draco could change Snape’s mind.

“After all of it, ten years.. I don’t understand… I gave you my life.. I gave you-“

“You should not have attached yourself to me.” Snape simply said with no trace of emotion at all. “You should leave now. There is nothing for you here. I feel nothing for you.”

“NO!” Hermione angrily yelled, viciously kicking herself free from Draco. “You will – ten years of my life, you’ve taken and now you will tell me – you will tell me you feel nothing for me?!”

You should learn to accept things, Miss Granger. Life is not a fairytale.”

“Accept it?!” Hermione angrily yelled back. “Accept my bloody arse for it – AFTER EVERYTHING LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME, YOU FUCKING COWARD! I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING!”

She whirled around, turning to Draco again who looked as confused as she was.

“I GAVE HIM EVERYTHING THAT HE WANTED! I GAVE HIM EVERYTHING! DRACO, EVERYTHING!”

Her voice quivered, pain and tears all over her features as she clung to Draco for dear life.

It was like she was a child again, telling Draco about someone who bullied her, who wronged her, who hurt her.

“Take her, Draco.” Snape quiet voice came. “She doesn’t belong here. She doesn’t belong with me. She doesn’t understand.”

“I don’t understand?!” Hermione screamed back at him as she kicked her way again forcing Draco to take a few steps back, dragging her with him away from Snape by the waist. “I don’t understand?! I did my understanding – TEN FUCKING YEARS OF IT! I let you – I allowed you – I let you take it all from me, I allowed you to take and take from me!”

“That’s why you need to leave me. I don’t want anything from you anymore. There is no future for the two of us.”  

“You don’t want me?!” Hermione cried at him, the pain in her eyes evident as the pain in her voice. “Now you don’t want me  – because you don’t feel like fucking me anymore?”

Silence came as those words echoed around the three of them in the darkened cell.

 

Even Draco was speechless at Hermione’s words.

She struggled against him, eyes bloodshot from tears and focused towards Snape who now refused to meet her gaze back.

“Answer me!” Hermione’s howling cries revealed all the years of pain consumed and locked up inside of her. “I have every bit of right to know why!”

But Snape refused to answer, turning completely deaf ears at Hermione’s cries and wails.

“I have every right to know!” Hermione wailed angrily. “You can’t just throw me away – you can’t just make me - It’s my life you took – my life with Harry you’ve stolen! I want to know – I demand to know-“

“Hermione.” Draco whispered in tears holding her. “We need to go-“

“You took my life! You took my life away from me! You stole me from all of them – you stole my life – you stole me from Harry! Do you know what you did to Harry?! Do you know – “ Hermione cried out in desperation, anger and ten years of hurt coming out at that very moment as she kicked and tried to reach for Snape to strangle him.

“You play victim now – you let me be away – you took me from them, you kept me, you fucked me every single goddamn day telling me – telling me if was for me, for Harry – you took me from all of them! You took my life! You selfish – you bastard – you raped me… you raped me.. you mercilessly take and take.. every day.. you just… I gave you everything.. everything..”

Her desperate cries drew a heavy burden from Draco and even as he tried to keep her still, he could no longer stop the tears from his eyes as if he was there at each and every day and night that his godfather took her and her life away.

“You wasted..you wasted my lifenow you will tell me you don’t love me? Answer me – you fucking coward – ANSWER MEEEEEEE!”

“Hermione, stop this. This isn’t helping any of us.” Draco said warningly as he closed his eyes for a moment seeing how desperate and drastic things could get in an instant.

Almost a dozen Wizegamot trials and since the day that he came back to her life – he has never seen any kind or any trace of anger in Hermione towards Snape. And eventually seeing her out right now ready to murder his godfather, hearing all the years of her suffering from her very mouth made him feel a burden like nothing he had never felt before.  

“Let go of me, Draco – “ Hermione commanded in a dark voice as she forced herself to stop crying – “Just let me at him – I need answers, he can’t refuse me answers, I demand answers from the life he took from me –“

“No, this is enough.” Draco sternly said taking a harder grip around her waist. “You need to get out of here. This place is affecting you-“

“I’m not affected!” Hermione growled turning at him this time around. “Didn’t you hear what he said?!”

 

Her bloodshot eyes met Draco’s gentle and understanding once.

But she showed no sign of backing down.

 “I heard what he said.” Draco calmly said trying to reach for her arm gently. “Now, come with –“

“NO!” Hermione angrily said pushing herself away from him and for a moment, Draco had let her slip from his grasp. “Ten years, Draco! A decade is what he took from us!”

Her eyes met Draco and at that very moment, he knew that she’d lost it as well.

Hermione fought against him and she fell forward and managed to quickly crawl a little nearer Snape.

Draco fell back on his knees to reach to her and was just in time to grab her by the legs as her outstretched arms attempted to get to Snape, clawing monstrously towards the man.

“Look at me you coward! You dare – you dare not move – you’re not helpless! You’re not helpless!”

But Snape remained as he was, still and unmoving and refusing to stare back at her.

“Take her away, Draco.” Snape quietly commanded. “This place isn’t doing her any good. You need to get her out. Take her-“

“You have no right to command him!” Hermione shrieked at him. “You have no right to command him – or anyone of us in here – you can’t do to them what you did to me!”

Her words were bearing truth and burden inside of him because this wasn’t just fate or Snape’s doing – it was his mother’s own doing.

This, before him, was the result of a decade’s worth of suffering and greed.

And the guilt inside of him was growing more, growing stronger by each of Hermione’s cries.

Her eyes were red, filled with anger that had been locked up inside her heart for ten years.

Draco could only stare and listen as she let it all out while he held her back down to keep her from murdering Snape.  

“You have no right to tell anyone – to command anyone things the way you made me do things!” Hermione angrily wailed. “You get up there and answer me – don’t act – you’re not helpless – you have no idea what helpless really feels like!”

“Hermione, please calm down. We need to go.” Draco said taking a firm grip around her but she wasn’t going down without a fight.

“YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE YOU?!” Hermione angrily screamed at him as she struggled to move as close as she could despite Draco’s hold of her. “HOW COULD YOU – HOW COULD YOU SAY THA T- AFTER IT ALL, AFTER EVERYTHING! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD!”

 

But Snape refused to look at her.

 “Hermione, stop it!” Draco warned as she made another high kick that made her traveling boots graze the side of Snape’s face and have they been a bit closer, would definitely have badly hurt Snape’s jawline.

“Take her away, Draco.” Snape simply and clearly said. “Take her out of this place.”

“NO!” Hermione screamed her argument. “No, not until I get my answer from you – not until-“

“Come on, Hermione-“

“I SAID NO!” Hermione growled back at Draco, eyes wide before turning her gaze back at Snape, pointing angrily at him. “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME-“

“Hermione-“

“AFTER IT ALL, AFTER EVERYTHING – YOU WILL THROW ME AWAY – YOU WILL JUST ABANDON ME AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS – TEN YEARS! TEN YEARS DRACO – HE TOOK TEN YEARS FROM ME!”

“Draco, take her-“

“YOU LOOK AT ME! YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM – DON’T ACT LIKE – YOU TOOK MY LIFE AWAY FROM ME! YOU TOOK ME FROM HARRY! YOU DESTROYED MY LIFE, MY LIFE WITH HARRY!”

Draco stared back at his godfather with the same angry and tearful eyes.

Despite his cold façade, he could tell that he was heavily ridden with guilt at that very moment that’s why he’s asking Hermione to be taken away.

 “Please, ‘Mione – we need to go-“

“YOU DON’T JUST ABDUCT PEOPLE!” Hermione screamed kicking herself and strangling herself free from Draco who was losing his grip on her again. “YOU DON’T ABDUCT PEOPLE NO MATTER THE REASON– YOU FUCKING BASTARD – YOU DON’T ABDUCT THEM AND FUCK THEM! YOU CAN’T EVEN STAND UP TO YOUR PROMISES!”

“Leave me alone, Miss Granger.” Snape quietly whispered, turning deaf ears to all her anger and cries.

 “Did you hear him?!” Hermione angrily yelled and he suddenly turned to meet Draco’s eyes. “Did you hear – he wants me to leave – he wants – Draco, he promised me – he promised a life with me!”

 

 

And at that very moment that Draco stared into her desperate and murderous eyes, he understood.

Hermione must have heard something or Snape must have said something that triggered all the anger inside of her that have been bottled up through all the years.

And now, they were coming out of her at the wrong ends and at the wrong time, confusing her completely and making all her emotions crash down

“Hermione, please.” Draco whispered tightening his grip around her wrists behind her to ensure that she doesn’t get her hands anywhere near Snape. “Please.”

“Let me go!” Hermione viciously yelled at him, her eyes murderous as Draco had never seen them.

“Hermione-“

“Let me go or I swear I’m fucking going to hurt you too!” she screamed at him.

Her eyes wandered then around the ground.

“Where’s the wand – “ she wildly cried around. “Let me – let me at him – let me at him--“

“Hermione, please.” Draco said almost yelling at her.

Draco tugged harder and with a heavy heave, he forcibly carried her away from Snape and pushed her at the opposite side of the room.

“STOP IT!” Draco warned her, eyes wide. “Hermione, get a grip-“

“No, you let me at him!” Hermione yelled and she advanced again but Draco held her tightly this time around the waist blocking her from reaching Snape.

“No, I can’t-“

“I thought you’re with me!” Hermione angrily lashed at him but her eyes were at Snape. “Let me just let me- you said you’re with me-“

“I am with you.” Draco clearly said. “Hermione, let’s talk this over-“

“Talk this over?!” Hermione angrily repeated. “Did you not hear him! DID YOU NOT HEAR HIM!”

She then began crying, a conflicted turmoil and display of raw emotions before Draco was something he wasn’t prepared for.

“Hermione-“

“He wants to leave – he wants me to leave him – he promised – he promised a life with me and – he’s going to abandon me! He wants to die – he’s going to abandon me – the way Harry abandoned me!”

 

Silence fell.

 

Even Snape seemed to have sensed the indifference in her tone.

Draco then stared at her, the look in her eyes was something he’s never seen and it scared him for her.

Hermione then sounded and looked as scared and helpless as pitiful – the imagery he had been having that must have been her state back in the cottage for all those years.

“Mione-“

“Harry abandoned me – Professor Lupin – “ Hermione started to desperately cry then as she still struggled against his grip with her eyes on Snape – “Ginny – the Order – they – they just abandoned me- they just forgot about me – they forgot about me, Draco…“

Draco’s eyes burned in tears and he held her tighter to his chest.

“Hermione, Potter never abandoned you – he spent his entire life fighting to look for you – there wasn’t a single day that Potter abandoned you nor the thought of finding you again--“

“He let me – he let me be taken by this – by this monster!” Hermione angrily yelled this time, her whole body shaking in anger again at the thought of Snape, her eyes vicious as they turned back at Snape. “And he was there and he knew they were looking for me – he knew and now – he wants to abandon me now because there’s nothing – nothing more he can take!”

Draco stared at her and at Snape who was wordless but was listening.

“Hermione, be reasonable – come, you’re not thinking-“

“LET ME AT HIM!” she yelled again as if the little silence made her regain a bit more strength. “ANSWER ME! YOU COWARD! YOU FUCKING BASTARD! Why are you doing this to me?! Why me – why did you do this to Harry – why the two of us, what have I ever done to you - WHY?!”

“I saved your life. I saved Potter’s life.” Snape softly whispered as Draco stared at him, shaking his head and making him stop to avoid Hermione from reacting further.

“You took my life away from Harry! You took our future away!” Hermione screamed at him and this time, the anger seemed to slowly ebb away and was being consumed by nothing but regret and pain.

“I had to do what I had to do.” Snape simply said with a very unemotional tone. “I had to save the lives of the ones I can. I could save yours so I saved it. There’s absolutely nothing more to it. You have no life with me and there is certainly no home for you with me.”

“No.. I don’t.. no home..” Hermione whispered, at loss for words as the burden grew inside of her.

“You have no life with me; no home with me that you can go back to.” Snape quietly said as if he was just explaining something like an irrelevant subject.  

 

A different kind of glint passed Hermione’s eyes.

Even Draco could feel what she was feeling upon hearing Snape’s words

– so precise, so cold, without any hint of emotion and sounded a lot like he was just giving some usual Potions’ class lecture.

She swallowed hard and recovered from her tears and she went back for him but Draco was behind her, holding both her arms tightly to stop her from getting to Snape.

“Save my life?” she repeated quietly, her voice slightly shaking. “S-save my life?!”

“I saved your life.” Snape clearly answered her. “You should be grateful I saved Potter’s.”

“HOW DARE YOU SAY - YOU SAVED MY LIFE!” Hermione now screamed louder and angrier than ever with her eyes very red and wide like they were going to get out of their places. “I PAID FOR IT! I PAID FOR THE BOTH OF IT AND MORE! I PAID FOR EVERYTHING - WITH EVERY BIT OF MORSEL OF MY BODY FOR THE EVERYDAY THAT LIVED WITH YOU AT THAT ROTTEN COTTAGE!”

 

This time, her words seemed to finally make an effect on Snape.

He looked up at her, eyes sharp as her words obviously hit home base. Snape sharply looked back at her as she obviously hit home-base.

Something like hurt passed Snape’s eyes.

Despite that it was there, it had quickly vanished when he stared right back at her.

“I PAID FOR EVERY MINUTE, EVERY MOMENT OF THAT!” Hermione cried at him. “The things you asked me to do – the things you made me do- Don’t tell me it were all for nothing, don’t tell me I owe you anything -  I UNWILLINGLY GODDAMN PAID FOR EVERY DROP OF POTION THAT SAVED MINE AND HARRY’S LIFE!”

 

Draco was at loss for words as everything Hermione had been struggling with inside of her came out of her mouth, crashing everything else in the way.

And there was nothing – not even him – could do about it all.

“YOU WOULD JUST TAKE AND TAKE!” Hermione wailed at him pointing angrily. “YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME – THE LIFE HARRY AND I COULD EVER HAD – YOU JUST TOOK IT ALL AWAY OUR FUTURE, MY FUTURE – MY LIFE!”

Hot-white tears accumulated at the sides of Draco’s face as he stared at Hermione’s pitiful state.

It was like everything that she couldn’t say or refused to say in front of the Wizengamot or of the Order just came out of her right now when it became too much – when it was Snape telling her now to stop fighting fate.

 

Her red eyes stared back at Snape, her shaking hand pointed at the man.

“DAY AND NIGHT – YOU HAD ME, YOU HAD ME ANY WAY YOU WANTED – EVEN IF I BEGGED YOU, EVEN IF I COULDN’T – BUT I LET YOU, I LET YOU BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU LOVE ME – YOU SAID IT’S FOR HARRY, FOR THE ORDER – YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVE ME – AND NOW WHEN I HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE – YOU WILL – HOW COULD YOU-“

Draco held her tight, but he could no longer hold back his tears as he held her while listening to her desperate cries at the ten years that she had been made victim.

She slowly stopped struggling against Draco and had also stopped trying to reach for Snape.

Her body seemed to have gotten tired from all the kicking and screaming but her words were going out there, coming out of her after a decade of being kept down deep inside of her.

“WE TRUSTED YOU.. “ her soft cries continued. “The headmaster… Harry… the Order.. I TRUSTED YOU.. YOU SAID.. I BELIEVED IN EVERYTHING YOU SAID.. BUT YOU STILL TOOK IT ALL.. YOU WOULD ALWAYS TAKE AND TAKE..AND TAKE AND TAKE, EVEN IF I BEG YOU, YOU ALWAYS JUST TAKE… “

Draco closed his eyes, his heart being burdened as well.

He didn’t want to hear any of it anymore but he knew that Hermione had to let this out and this was the time.

He knew of the things that happened in the cottage based on the stories and accounts Hermione had given.

But to hear them all over again in a more burdensome and emotional statement made it all sound and feel worse than he had first encountered the stories.

His eyes passed Snape and despite his rigid like form, he could tell that he was silently crying behind the dark and long locks of hair keeping his face clear from sight.

“You took my life – you took my life… you stole my life… you took me from Harry.. what did he.. what did we ever do to you.. ten years, Severus.. I endured ten years… because you gave hope.. you told me.. you told me you love me.. and I believed that.”

 

Snape’s heart was clogged with guilt and pain.

He couldn’t stare at her with all the shame and guilt in his being.

He let her hurt him because he knew he deserved that and more.

He listened to her cries, to her frustration, to her pain that she’s bottled up for ten years.

He knew this was coming; he was just unsure when but he knew that she had to let this one out.

 

Draco stared at Snape and despite that his godfather’s face was hiding beneath his lanky and messy long hair, he knew that tears were consuming inside his eyes as he listened to his labored breathing.

It took a bit more of time and the only sounds that may be heard was Hermione’s howls and cries in the darkened cell.

Neither of the men spoke as they stared and listened to Hermione’s cries letting it all out, letting the truth inside her and her feelings that have been bottled up for years to come out of her, sinking deeply at the two men that involved to her suffering for a decade.

 

After a while, Draco seemed to also recover as he blinked away the tears from his eyes.

“Hermione, this isn’t. Come with me, this place is affecting you – I need to get you out-“

“NO!” Hermione angrily kicked him and Draco, taken back slackened his grip around her.

Hermione fell back on the floor as Draco did but then she immediately regained herself and crawled her way back towards Snape.

“YOU CAN’T JUST LET ME LEAVE YOU – HOW CAN YOU SAY – DID YOU NOT LOVE ME?! DID YOU NOT SAY – DID YOU NOT PROMISE-“

And before her gnawing fingers could reach Snape, Draco had reached her just in time with a second to spare and managed to wrap his arms around her waist again to stop her from attacking Snape.

Hermione kicked and yelled again.

He remained still, his face was already red from her attacks and his tattered clothes had been slightly pulled at the edges because of Hermione’s angry advances.

“LOOK AT ME! SAY SOMETHING! SAY SOMETHING!” Hermione howled at him with a monstrous flare all over her face. “SAY SOMETHING YOU FUCKING COWARD! SAY SOMETHING!”

And after all of it, Snape seemed to have come into conclusion as he edged and moved forward Hermione despite Draco’s warnings of him to come closer.

Snape’s thin and dry lips moved, he approached Hermione and opened his mouth.

They all stayed frozen at the spot eyes wide and ears listening closely for what came next.

However, before he could even open his mouth, they all heard it – the sounds of footsteps and seemingly hushed voices coming down at Snape’s Azkaban cell.

 

 

 

 



You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story